Truth #3-
Place your spouse above any other person. Notice I didn't just say "any other" - The Lord is to be your first and foremost relationship, however after the Lord there is NO OTHER more important than your spouse. As a mom, this was and at times is still hard for me but it is CRITICAL to your marriage that your man knows he is the #1 person in your life. We need to carve out spaces of our time, energy, prayers, etc specifically for our husbands that no one or nothing else can creep in and fill. Yes - I know the baby needs fed, diaper changed, homework needs completed, laundry, etc. Yet - if any of these things is more important than your spouse - you have just told him that he isn't your priority and he doesn't matter. So - set a date night each week - it can be as simple as a movie at home after the kids are tucked in, a chat by the fire, or you can find other parents and trade out babysitting - let them watch your kids at their house and then have a date at home...you get the idea. Just know that hubby needs to have that place of priority!
Truth # 4
Eliminate ANYTHING that may be stealing your heart, time, money away from your marriage. This could be something like drugs, pornography, drinking or it may be something not so "big" such as reading books, being on the internet, a hobby, etc. This doesn't mean that you can't do these hobbies (things of a sinful nature MUST be eliminated!) BUT are they in a place more important than your marriage and time with your spouse? Where is your heart truly focused?
Truth #5
Pray not only FOR your spouse but pray WITH your spouse! There is nothing Joel and I have done together that compares to praying together. When we are kneeling before our King and seeking Him and His will together - it truly does unite us and strengthen our marriage! Make it a regular habit to PRAY TOGETHER!
Truth #6
The hard times will come - determine to face them TOGETHER not seperate! It is not a matter of if but when. However, making a decision before the hard times hit (or now if you are in them) that you are going to stand together and stay together through them will make all the difference. Joel and I made this decision before we ever said our vows that no matter what came our way there would be no other way to face it than together! We have faced numerous financial hardships (eviction, repossession of our car, etc), we have faced serious health issues with one of our children (see post on Tyler), we have faced numerous unexpected and unwanted moves, and yes these have been hard. They have put our marriage and our relationship with the Lord to the test but we went through them together. There was one time after a particularly hard time financially that I emotionally detached myself from my husband and I will tell you it took A LOT to get that back! I felt abandoned and alone and like I was drowning - fortunately through the love of our Lord and a very understanding husband - those wounds have been healed but not without some pain. So make the decision to do it together and remember to always go back to Truth #5!!!
That is all I can type for now - hopefully I will conclude this series later today or tomorrow! Know you are prayed for!!!!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A heartbreaking trend...
The past several months Joel and I have had heavy hearts as we have seen more and more marriages either falling apart or ending. It is heartbreaking to observe so many we know hurting and experiencing the crumbling of their marriage.
As we have seen this and walked alongside some, we couldn't help but ask ourselves what is happening and what can we do to stop it? It seems to be that divorce, separation, or living in the same house with no real love or joy are now becoming the norm and it is frightening to say the least. What is even more alerting is the fact that these are not marriages among those who don't know the Lord but they are Christian marriages, marriages where God was the center at one point but He has been removed or put on the outskirts.
Although we don't have the all the answers and we are certainly continuing to learn in our own marriage - we do feel that God in His Word has a LOT to say about marriage and we have learned some lessons in our own marriage that have strengthed it and we believe have helped us withstand the storms of life.
My heart in particular has been so heavy with the hurt that I have seen women go through and so I would like to just share with you all some truths that I have seen work in my own marriage. I am hoping to do this through a series of posts within the next week...
Truth # 1:
In order for marriage to truly work, it must be based with God in the center. I have seen no better illustration of this than the picture of a triangle. As you look at a triangle each of the two sides reach toward the top or the peak. Replace the sides with a man and woman and God at the peak. As a man and a wife grow and become closer to God, then they will become closer to one another. It is inevitable. Unfortunately, what we often do is stay at the base and expect our husband or wife to come to us. We focus on what WE need and what WE want and forget to focus on the Lord. As you invest and grow in your relationship with God, He will help you to love your spouse more and more.
Truth # 2:
Closely related to Truth # 1 - Truth #2 is this - Marriage is NOT ABOUT YOU. When we realize that marriage is about our husband's needs and wants first then we can show them the love that Jesus gave us. When God gave His only son - it was not Himself that He was focused on - it was OUR NEED for a Savior. In marriage - we need to esteem our spouse more highly than ourselves. We need to learn to put his needs above our own and in doing so - we will experience a love like no other.
I am going to leave you with those two truths for now. My prayer is that no matter where your marriage is - whether strong and firm or whether falling apart - you will take the time to pray about these truths and what God wants to show you through them. Please feel free to either e-mail me arringtonmom@yahoo.com or post a comment about how Joel and I can pray for your marriage specifically and know this - you are not alone. Every marriage goes through hard times, every person hurts - it is what we do when these times come that makes the difference. Will you turn your marriage, your hurts, your pain, your life over to the ONE who can heal and restore?
As we have seen this and walked alongside some, we couldn't help but ask ourselves what is happening and what can we do to stop it? It seems to be that divorce, separation, or living in the same house with no real love or joy are now becoming the norm and it is frightening to say the least. What is even more alerting is the fact that these are not marriages among those who don't know the Lord but they are Christian marriages, marriages where God was the center at one point but He has been removed or put on the outskirts.
Although we don't have the all the answers and we are certainly continuing to learn in our own marriage - we do feel that God in His Word has a LOT to say about marriage and we have learned some lessons in our own marriage that have strengthed it and we believe have helped us withstand the storms of life.
My heart in particular has been so heavy with the hurt that I have seen women go through and so I would like to just share with you all some truths that I have seen work in my own marriage. I am hoping to do this through a series of posts within the next week...
Truth # 1:
In order for marriage to truly work, it must be based with God in the center. I have seen no better illustration of this than the picture of a triangle. As you look at a triangle each of the two sides reach toward the top or the peak. Replace the sides with a man and woman and God at the peak. As a man and a wife grow and become closer to God, then they will become closer to one another. It is inevitable. Unfortunately, what we often do is stay at the base and expect our husband or wife to come to us. We focus on what WE need and what WE want and forget to focus on the Lord. As you invest and grow in your relationship with God, He will help you to love your spouse more and more.
Truth # 2:
Closely related to Truth # 1 - Truth #2 is this - Marriage is NOT ABOUT YOU. When we realize that marriage is about our husband's needs and wants first then we can show them the love that Jesus gave us. When God gave His only son - it was not Himself that He was focused on - it was OUR NEED for a Savior. In marriage - we need to esteem our spouse more highly than ourselves. We need to learn to put his needs above our own and in doing so - we will experience a love like no other.
I am going to leave you with those two truths for now. My prayer is that no matter where your marriage is - whether strong and firm or whether falling apart - you will take the time to pray about these truths and what God wants to show you through them. Please feel free to either e-mail me arringtonmom@yahoo.com or post a comment about how Joel and I can pray for your marriage specifically and know this - you are not alone. Every marriage goes through hard times, every person hurts - it is what we do when these times come that makes the difference. Will you turn your marriage, your hurts, your pain, your life over to the ONE who can heal and restore?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
A Firefighter's Wife: Grace Mothering
A Firefighter's Wife: Grace Mothering: "Dear Mothers, I have to tell you how thankful I am that my mothering is covered by the Blood of Jesus. So many days, I have the best inten..."
Monday, November 29, 2010
A Wonderful Week!
It has been such a blessed and wonderful week as we have had a much needed "staycation" at home! Joel took the week off and we were able to just enjoy being together as a family.
There was board games, watching movies, shopping, decorating for Christmas and even preparing Thanksgiving food. I do enjoy our life and all the activities we are in. However - there are times that we just need a "break" and rest and this past week was exactly that!
Even the kids mentioned how much they liked it and for the most part - they really got along well. I am so thankful for a husband that values and appreciates these times in our life.
In addition to much needed family time - I have also had much time to reflect and pray about where God is leading me. I love the freedom I have to be involved with the kids now that I am not working and I have also had many opportunities for ministry over the past 2 years since being home. However, there is still that "business" part of me that misses having a career and a job - specifically in Human Resources. Of course, there is also the financial advantage to me working as well. I have been working for my Dad some but at the time being it seems his business is shifting gears which is GOOD but also not as much work for me - totally okay with that though because it is a great thing for him and also as much as I enjoy the flexibility working for him provides - it is not my passion. I have subbed some and that is good as well but still not my ultimate passion - I am not a teacher!
What I truly desire to do is help people and to specifically help them find jobs and careers that suit them. So, no I have not found a job and am not going back to work full-time at least not yet! However, I am praying and seeking the Lord as to where, when and if He is calling me back to the work force. I have toyed with the idea of going back to school on-line to work on my Masters in Human Resources but have decided that one parent in college full-time is all this family can handle for the time being so I have put that on hold for now.
Another thing that the Lord has brought to my mind this week is how to proceed in terms of ministry. I have been seeking some clarity and definition as to specific areas that the Lord is leading me to. Some of this has been clouded - mostly by me not keeping focused and so I am beginning to see where the Lord is working and how I can join him there! Please be in prayer for me as I pursue this because some of the areas I feel that perhaps I am being led to - are not AT ALL in my comfort zone and I feel SO inadequate and unqualified for. However, I do know that like the Lord provided Aaron to speak for Moses - he will provide me with exactly the tools I need to serve Him in the way He is leading.
Finally, one decision that I have made this week is to be more intentional about weight loss. I am not setting a specific goal but rather just taking steps to lose weight in general. I am not even going to use a specific "plan" or "diet" as I have tried those and they just end up failing. Instead, I am choosing to be wise in eating choices and to excercise regularly. I don't do diets but I can make good choices in eating and excercises.
This is a rather random blog and believe me there are more "topical" postings that I am working/praying through but wasn't quite ready to post those yet as I am trying to do some research and study in those areas. The topics I hope to blog about soon include: friendship, marriage, and parenting! Ha ha - very general I know!
There was board games, watching movies, shopping, decorating for Christmas and even preparing Thanksgiving food. I do enjoy our life and all the activities we are in. However - there are times that we just need a "break" and rest and this past week was exactly that!
Even the kids mentioned how much they liked it and for the most part - they really got along well. I am so thankful for a husband that values and appreciates these times in our life.
In addition to much needed family time - I have also had much time to reflect and pray about where God is leading me. I love the freedom I have to be involved with the kids now that I am not working and I have also had many opportunities for ministry over the past 2 years since being home. However, there is still that "business" part of me that misses having a career and a job - specifically in Human Resources. Of course, there is also the financial advantage to me working as well. I have been working for my Dad some but at the time being it seems his business is shifting gears which is GOOD but also not as much work for me - totally okay with that though because it is a great thing for him and also as much as I enjoy the flexibility working for him provides - it is not my passion. I have subbed some and that is good as well but still not my ultimate passion - I am not a teacher!
What I truly desire to do is help people and to specifically help them find jobs and careers that suit them. So, no I have not found a job and am not going back to work full-time at least not yet! However, I am praying and seeking the Lord as to where, when and if He is calling me back to the work force. I have toyed with the idea of going back to school on-line to work on my Masters in Human Resources but have decided that one parent in college full-time is all this family can handle for the time being so I have put that on hold for now.
Another thing that the Lord has brought to my mind this week is how to proceed in terms of ministry. I have been seeking some clarity and definition as to specific areas that the Lord is leading me to. Some of this has been clouded - mostly by me not keeping focused and so I am beginning to see where the Lord is working and how I can join him there! Please be in prayer for me as I pursue this because some of the areas I feel that perhaps I am being led to - are not AT ALL in my comfort zone and I feel SO inadequate and unqualified for. However, I do know that like the Lord provided Aaron to speak for Moses - he will provide me with exactly the tools I need to serve Him in the way He is leading.
Finally, one decision that I have made this week is to be more intentional about weight loss. I am not setting a specific goal but rather just taking steps to lose weight in general. I am not even going to use a specific "plan" or "diet" as I have tried those and they just end up failing. Instead, I am choosing to be wise in eating choices and to excercise regularly. I don't do diets but I can make good choices in eating and excercises.
This is a rather random blog and believe me there are more "topical" postings that I am working/praying through but wasn't quite ready to post those yet as I am trying to do some research and study in those areas. The topics I hope to blog about soon include: friendship, marriage, and parenting! Ha ha - very general I know!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Kestra Nichole...Princess Pea!
It is so hard to believe all that has transpired the past 11 years! When I think back, I am just so thankful for the many blessings the Lord has given us....most of all I am thankful that 11 years ago tomorrow (Nov. 22) God gave us the gift of a beautiful baby girl - Kestra Nichole!
Kestra keeps us laughing, she lights up any room she enters and she has a heart for her friends and classmates. The thing I enjoy the most about Kestra is that she loves life and lives it to the fullest. Whatever she does, she does 100%!
I am not going to lie, when I first found out we were expecting her I was a little stressed. We had two babies already and Kestra would only be 16 months younger than her brother. We were in the process of changing jobs and looking at moving. We were pretty much broke and very stressed out. However - it wasn't long into the pregnancy that I felt pure love and joy about the idea of another baby to love and raise!
Kestra is our "girlie girl"! She loves pink and frills, clothes, shoes, nail polish, make-up, and jewelry. She enjoys shopping and socializing and is always looking for the next party or celebration! At the same time she is athletic, tough and outgoing. She enjoys competing and annoying her younger brother!
As I reflect on that day 11 years ago - many things come to mind. First there was the fact that we got to the hospital at 6:00 in the morning and had to wait until 7:00 that night to have the c-section simply because I drank half a glass of water - and no I didn't get any food that whole time! Second there is the fact that Joel's Aunt Patsy got to be at the hospital for Kestra's arrival - special since she doesn't have any grandkids of her own. Next is the memory of her sister and brother meeting her. Most of all - is the wonderful memory that I got to take her home on Thanksgiving day! What a way to celebrate Thanksgiving!
So - this year we rejoice and praise the Lord for our little bundle of joy who keeps us laughing and on our toes - Kestra Nichole Arrington...WE LOVE YOU!
Friday, November 19, 2010
Heart for those with Special Needs
We are SO blessed by a wonderful woman named Ann King or "Ms.King" to Tyler. She is really incredible. Ms. King is Tyler's Special Education teacher and the person that works with him approximately 60% of his day at school. She began working with Tyler two years ago when he was in first grade and continues to do an GREAT job!
To fully understand the impact that she has made on Tyler - you really have to know a little of Tyler's history. Tyler was born with some pretty major health issues, had trouble gaining weight, was constantly sick and was even thought to have had cystic fibrosis - he had all the symptoms and specialists were sure that was the case. We believe that he did have it and through the prayers of God's people he was healed! Anyway - as a toddler and preschooler Tyler had some major behavior issues that we now know were attributed to hearing loss and being in his own world but at the time we didn't know why. In preschool, Tyler would literally become so irritable and mad that he could tear apart a classroom - bookshelves over, tables thrown, toys everywhere, etc. At age 4 he was FINALLY diagnosed with Moderate to Severe hearing loss and we were able to begin helping him with hearing aids and different learning styles.
However, when you have gone through 4 years of living in your own world and learning how to deal on your own in a sense - it takes a lot to break those habits; not to mention the fact that he then had to learn sounds, words, etc. When we moved to Bayfield Tyler was just starting Kindergarten and it was ROUGH! Now not only were we in an unfamiliar town and home but he had two teachers (they team taught) that had not had a child with hearing loss in their class. We laugh because Tyler was actually suspended for a day in Kindergarten for biting the teacher - I mean hello!!!
So - this is the child that Ms. King received 2 years ago. A child that would decide he didn't want to work and either tear up a classroom or crawl under a desk or maybe just attempt to leave the room all together. It wasn't always easy, he wasn't an easy kid to like much less work with at times....yet Ms. King saw through that and saw what Tyler COULD be. She learned to speak his "language" and show him that she wouldn't tolerate his behavior.
Today - he is a TOTALLY different kid! He works hard and LOVES school. He still has times where he gets mad or frusterated but she has taught him to take "personal time-outs" and regroup. He went from not wanting to do anything with a pencil and paper to now reading, writing, doing math, telling time, etc. Many had told us that the only way Tyler would ever "settle down" and learn would be through medication - to this day Tyler has not had one ounce of medicine for behavior alteration!
I know that Ms. King isn't "Super Woman" (although she's pretty close) but I can tell you this - she loves these kids with special needs and she has a heart to see them succeed! She isn't all work either - she plans fun things like skiing, bowling, track and field days, etc where they can have fun. In a school district that is tight on funds, she applies for grants and discounts for these kids!!!
Yesterday was Special Olympic bowling and my heart melted to not only see Tyler laughing and having fun but to see ALL these precious faces truly enjoying themselves and succeeding!!! I must say that I am so thankful to the Lord for placing Ms. King in our lives!!!
To fully understand the impact that she has made on Tyler - you really have to know a little of Tyler's history. Tyler was born with some pretty major health issues, had trouble gaining weight, was constantly sick and was even thought to have had cystic fibrosis - he had all the symptoms and specialists were sure that was the case. We believe that he did have it and through the prayers of God's people he was healed! Anyway - as a toddler and preschooler Tyler had some major behavior issues that we now know were attributed to hearing loss and being in his own world but at the time we didn't know why. In preschool, Tyler would literally become so irritable and mad that he could tear apart a classroom - bookshelves over, tables thrown, toys everywhere, etc. At age 4 he was FINALLY diagnosed with Moderate to Severe hearing loss and we were able to begin helping him with hearing aids and different learning styles.
However, when you have gone through 4 years of living in your own world and learning how to deal on your own in a sense - it takes a lot to break those habits; not to mention the fact that he then had to learn sounds, words, etc. When we moved to Bayfield Tyler was just starting Kindergarten and it was ROUGH! Now not only were we in an unfamiliar town and home but he had two teachers (they team taught) that had not had a child with hearing loss in their class. We laugh because Tyler was actually suspended for a day in Kindergarten for biting the teacher - I mean hello!!!
So - this is the child that Ms. King received 2 years ago. A child that would decide he didn't want to work and either tear up a classroom or crawl under a desk or maybe just attempt to leave the room all together. It wasn't always easy, he wasn't an easy kid to like much less work with at times....yet Ms. King saw through that and saw what Tyler COULD be. She learned to speak his "language" and show him that she wouldn't tolerate his behavior.
Today - he is a TOTALLY different kid! He works hard and LOVES school. He still has times where he gets mad or frusterated but she has taught him to take "personal time-outs" and regroup. He went from not wanting to do anything with a pencil and paper to now reading, writing, doing math, telling time, etc. Many had told us that the only way Tyler would ever "settle down" and learn would be through medication - to this day Tyler has not had one ounce of medicine for behavior alteration!
I know that Ms. King isn't "Super Woman" (although she's pretty close) but I can tell you this - she loves these kids with special needs and she has a heart to see them succeed! She isn't all work either - she plans fun things like skiing, bowling, track and field days, etc where they can have fun. In a school district that is tight on funds, she applies for grants and discounts for these kids!!!
Yesterday was Special Olympic bowling and my heart melted to not only see Tyler laughing and having fun but to see ALL these precious faces truly enjoying themselves and succeeding!!! I must say that I am so thankful to the Lord for placing Ms. King in our lives!!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Practicing Hospitality
"Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." I Peter 4:9
"Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality" Romans 12:13
Recently, I have been reading about hospitality on a blog that I follow. I must say - hospitality is NOT one of the spiritual gifts that I have. However, as I read and learn more about hospitality I am discovering that it isn't "optional" or something we are to do only when it is "convenient" or "fits into our schedule." As the two verses above suggest - it is a command, we are to practice it and to do it without grumbling.
The Lord has really been stretching me and convicting me about this issue the past couple weeks. I am fine with inviting people I am close to over when I feel like it - but what about people I don't know well or don't really click with and what about at times when I am busy or would rather do other things? What am I to do at those times? I am to PRACTICE HOSPITALITY...
So, then comes the question of what does hospitality look like? I can't say that I have done extensive research or anything - I am only going to share what the Lord has been revealing TO ME in the area of hospitality:
1. Open your home! I must say with 4 kids, a busy schedule, ministry, etc my home has become my "retreat" or place where I can get away. I also must confess that I hesitate to invite people over because that would mean that I would actually have to cook and clean - two things of which I do NOT enjoy! Yet - God has been calling me to this - to invite others over regardless of the mood in which I may be in, regardless of my insecurity and lack of enjoyment in cooking.
2. Reach out to those who you normally wouldn't socialize with. There are many that I see on Sunday morning or around town that I don't think about inviting over. Yet, these are the ones that God has laid on my heart to invite over to my home.
3. Give of the resources I have been given in regards to food. This one is hard for me! I don't enjoy cooking for myself much less for anyone else. However, within the past two months the Lord has called me to not only organize meals for new moms - He has had me PREPARE meals for them! It hasn't been on my time table either (since when do babies come on our time table). Yet I have felt led to stretch myself in this area.
4. Look for opportunities to serve others through hospitality. Normally, this would not be an area in which I would look to serve others - again God is calling me to this regardless of my comfort in it. So, I have talked to Joel and shared all this with him and told him that we will be inviting people over more just because God is calling me to do this!
I am not blogging about this to say that it is something anyone but myself needs to work on. I am sharing it in a way in which I can ask for prayer and accountability in. Of course, I am HOPING that I am not alone in struggling in this area. Perhaps there are others like me who have fallen into the trap of only practicing hospitality when it is convenient - if so, I pray that you will find encouragement in knowing you aren't alone and we can grow in this area together!
"Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality" Romans 12:13
Recently, I have been reading about hospitality on a blog that I follow. I must say - hospitality is NOT one of the spiritual gifts that I have. However, as I read and learn more about hospitality I am discovering that it isn't "optional" or something we are to do only when it is "convenient" or "fits into our schedule." As the two verses above suggest - it is a command, we are to practice it and to do it without grumbling.
The Lord has really been stretching me and convicting me about this issue the past couple weeks. I am fine with inviting people I am close to over when I feel like it - but what about people I don't know well or don't really click with and what about at times when I am busy or would rather do other things? What am I to do at those times? I am to PRACTICE HOSPITALITY...
So, then comes the question of what does hospitality look like? I can't say that I have done extensive research or anything - I am only going to share what the Lord has been revealing TO ME in the area of hospitality:
1. Open your home! I must say with 4 kids, a busy schedule, ministry, etc my home has become my "retreat" or place where I can get away. I also must confess that I hesitate to invite people over because that would mean that I would actually have to cook and clean - two things of which I do NOT enjoy! Yet - God has been calling me to this - to invite others over regardless of the mood in which I may be in, regardless of my insecurity and lack of enjoyment in cooking.
2. Reach out to those who you normally wouldn't socialize with. There are many that I see on Sunday morning or around town that I don't think about inviting over. Yet, these are the ones that God has laid on my heart to invite over to my home.
3. Give of the resources I have been given in regards to food. This one is hard for me! I don't enjoy cooking for myself much less for anyone else. However, within the past two months the Lord has called me to not only organize meals for new moms - He has had me PREPARE meals for them! It hasn't been on my time table either (since when do babies come on our time table). Yet I have felt led to stretch myself in this area.
4. Look for opportunities to serve others through hospitality. Normally, this would not be an area in which I would look to serve others - again God is calling me to this regardless of my comfort in it. So, I have talked to Joel and shared all this with him and told him that we will be inviting people over more just because God is calling me to do this!
I am not blogging about this to say that it is something anyone but myself needs to work on. I am sharing it in a way in which I can ask for prayer and accountability in. Of course, I am HOPING that I am not alone in struggling in this area. Perhaps there are others like me who have fallen into the trap of only practicing hospitality when it is convenient - if so, I pray that you will find encouragement in knowing you aren't alone and we can grow in this area together!
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