Looking at my blog and realizing it has been MONTHS since I posted...what has happened? I did attempt to type a post after our Mission trip in March, however, it didn't get finished. I may get back to that and then I may scrap it...it's been an interesting, long, busy, crazy, fanatical, few months for the Arringtons.
So...here is the scoop in a nutshell and then maybe some insight at the end, or maybe another post.
March - Kestra, Malachi and I went to Laredo Tx with our church for a mission trip. I know people almost always say "this trip was different..." but YES this one was different. First of all, I had NO leadership responsibilities whatsoever! I was a participant...different but NICE for a change. The biggest thing that God did for me on that trip was remind me of the importance of PRAYER. I really did a lot of personal prayer, intercessory prayer, prayer with other believers and did I mention I prayed? Yes - that was the essence of the trip for me. Were lives changed? I am sure they were - I know mine was! My role was to pray...
A week after going to Laredo, thanks to my fabulous husband, I was able to go on a MOMS getaway with one of my closest and dearest friends in the world! We escaped to LAS VEGAS BABY!!! It was first for me....I loved the time away, the show we went and saw, the buildings, the decor. It was enlightening to see how much stock people put in casinos and to see "Sin City" in real life...definitely a lot of lost and hurting people out there. More than being disgusted...I was saddened. Saddened by the fact that these people are literally "looking for love in all the wrong places" they are trying to fill a void that only Jesus can fill!
However - for me the BEST part and the MOST refreshing part was just having time with someone who "gets" me. Someone I could be totally open and honest with that I could share my joys, my hurts, my sorrows, my triumphs...For THAT I am so thankful because as is the case with many women but especially minister's wives - let's face it, there just aren't that many that you can be completely open and honest with about life.
When I returned from my vacation - we hit the ground running! Kids jumped into sports, state testing, concerts, etc. Also between the two trips - the missions pastor at our church resigned to move on to what God has for him next. A very good thing and we support him 100% but it did add a tad to Joel's plate at church. We know that in ALL things God is working for our good...even in the busy crazy out of this world times!!!
Here we are near the end of April...the schedule ahead looks busy, insane, uncertain but again God is working! My constant reminder has been that I can REST in Him. I can hold His hand and know that He is Sovereign. He is also reminding me that daily I need to take time to spend at His feet...it HAS to happen!!!
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
God is never "Stumped"
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jerimiah 29:11
If you are a parent of a child of a type of disability - whether physical, mental, or learning you may have had a similar experience to the one I had yesterday...if so, please know that I GET how you felt...I was there.
Let me give a bit of a background. Our Tyler's story is told here. The name Tyler means "Resourceful One" and he has definitely lived up to his name even from birth! Over the past three years we have been very aware of his deficiency in academics and especially so in reading. Tyler has literally just hit one road block after another in his journey to learn to read.
I will be honest and say that there is a part of me that doesn't want to share this part of his journey. I like to share the high points, the miracle moments, the times that he overcomes mountains and we are left in awe! Yet, as I reflected back on yesterday, I felt in my heart that just maybe somewhere out there was another mom who needed to know that she's not alone. That someone understands the heartache and the pain of wondering "Why" or "What's the answer?" So it is, with this in mind that I share this difficult part of Tyler's story (always with the hope that one day this too will be a mountain he has overcome).
Any child with hearing loss or impairment is going to have challenges in learning to read as so much of reading is associated with sound. However, in the majority of situations that can be overcome and taught through one of two methods - phonics or more commonly sight words. Typically children with hearing loss do better with sight words as that is not dependant upon sound. When a child learns to read, teachers and parents know that they can read by their oral reading ability - if they read it correctly to you, you know that they can read.
With Tyler, this hasn't been the case. After several different approaches to learning, it has become evident that Tyler is reading very little. They have tried the phonetic approach on more than one occassion. They have tried the sight word approach with spurts of what seem like success only to go back to square one. One day he may know the simplist of words - the next, not so much. It's heart wrenching to see a child struggle over and over and over again trying to learn a skill that to many seems so basic.
Of course I have always been aware of Tyler's reading struggle...yet, as with any child with disabilities when you are faced with the stark reality of where they are at - there is a part of you that grieves inside for the child you long for them to be. This moment came for me yesterday at Tyler's annual ARD (Admission Review Dismissal) meeting (Individualized Education Plan - IEP for Colorado friends). We had met in December to discuss the possiblity of dyslexia and to approve testing and yesterday was the follow up meeting to discuss those results. Before I continue, let me say that I felt strongly that Tyler did not have dyslexia but of course we had to officially eliminate it.
Going into the meeting, I kept praying "Lord, please do not let it be dyslexia" that is one more "diagnosis" for my little man that has had to face so much. I was in for a HUGE reality check. As the diagnostician began to go over Tyler's testing results - the reality began to hit. As always Tyler's case is far from standard or normal - as his very first Dr labled him he is "Tricky Tyler" Without going into great detail about the test results here are the conclusions that were made:
1.) Tyler DOES NOT have dyslexia.
2.) Tyler is still unable to read even the simplest of reading passages.
3.) Tyler struggles when breaking down words, or dropping of parts of a word.
4.) Tyler struggles with fluency - basically has none.
5.) Although unable to read - Tyler did exceptionally well when asked comprehension questions based on a passage that he failed to read. (I will come back to this in a moment)
Through the meeting the number one concern was: Tyler can't read and we need to figure out a way to help him. Of course, I KNEW this but to hear it verbally said just broke my heart...something about hearing the reality that your almost 12 year old son who has no mental disability, is not autistic, and for all practical purposes should be reading by now and isn't - well it pretty much HURTS!!!
Please don't misunderstand - I want to know EVERYTHING about his education and I strongly believe that parents of children with disabilities need to be actively involved in every part of their education, but hearing it can be like being stabbed again and again with the hard realities. On top of the obvious problem of reading there were the stories from his teachers about his frustration in reading. Like when his teacher tried to direct him away from a large chapter book he wanted to some simpler books that he would have a better chance to read and he replied "Well, I can't read the big book and I can't read the little book so why does it matter which book I get?" Heartbreaking for the teacher AND for me!
Harder still? To look around a room filled with professionals with combined education of over 30 years and to have them ALL say - we have not seen a case like this. We don't understand it. Back to #5 above - Tyler seriously answered the majority of the comprehension questions without having officially "read" the passage. The conclusions: either he is REALLY good at guessing (at which I was told to hit Vegas with him when he is 21 - HA HA!) or perhaps he can read and can't orally convey that. The trouble with the second option is that he has NEVER demonstrated the ability to read aloud at a level that would match with the comprehension. Now, when you read TO him - yes, he gets it but not reading it independantly.
I specifically asked the Audio Impaired specialist if she had seen this in any other hearing impaired child - she said "No, never. They typically can read through sight words."
I am thankful that not ONE person in that room is willing to just give up. They are going to be trying a third method of reading with him beginning this coming Tuesday. There is no guarantee that it will work but at this point, he has nothing to loose and everything to gain.
However, as I got into my car to leave the meeting - my eyes filled with tears and I just cried...."Why God? Why does he have to have any more challenges? He already has a hearing loss, a speech impairment, struggles to learn in general. Why does he have to be a case that no one has seen before? Why can't it just be an easy fix this one time?" and then yes, I had this thought...remember me saying "Lord please don't let it be dyslexia"? I cried "Lord, why COULDN'T it have just been dyslexia?" Yep...typical cry to the Lord. He answered my first prayer and yet I still complained! Go figure...
As the sting began to wear off and I was able to vent to my AMAZING sister-in-law...I once again just had to smile. My little "resourceful one" has been VERY resourceful! He has managed to learn math with a calculator, he is smart enough to ask his peers for help on school work so that he can get it done without reading, he knows how to manuever someone into reading to him, and he has even learned to proficiently read lips!!! More than this though - God has reminded me that in spite of "stumping" his teachers and educational professionals - GOD IS NOT STUMPED!
Not one part of Tyler's story has surprised or taken God of guard...in fact GOD PLANNED IT! Jeremiah 29:11 - "I know the plans I have for you....plans to prosper you...to give you a future and a hope!" AMEN!!! God has a plan for Tyler's life!!! In MY plans, Tyler can read fluidly and is successful academically but the reality is that may or may not be a part of GOD'S plan for Tyler and I need to trust that. If Tyler never really learns to read, I need to accept that as a part of the story God has for him.
As any parent with a special needs child must do - I need to focus on what Tyler CAN do and who God has created him to be.
* He CAN love unconditionally those around him.
* He CAN help with a servant's heart any who will allow him
* He CAN learn visually and through hands-on-experience
* He CAN love and laugh through every part of life and express a care-free attitude that I am in awe of
I don't know where Tyler's journey will take him or what the rest of his story looks like - but God does and I can rest in the knowledge that GOD IS NOT STUMPED!!!! Praise the Lord!!!
My prayer and my hope is that maybe somewhere there is another parent of a child with a disability who needs to know that - God is not stumped. Doctors, Teachers, Diagnosticians, Counselors may not have the answer but you can rest in the knowledge that GOD KNOWS THE PLANS he has for your child...hold on to that truth. If you need someone who can listen with a heart that understands....
please e-mail me, I am here for you!
I will be honest and say that there is a part of me that doesn't want to share this part of his journey. I like to share the high points, the miracle moments, the times that he overcomes mountains and we are left in awe! Yet, as I reflected back on yesterday, I felt in my heart that just maybe somewhere out there was another mom who needed to know that she's not alone. That someone understands the heartache and the pain of wondering "Why" or "What's the answer?" So it is, with this in mind that I share this difficult part of Tyler's story (always with the hope that one day this too will be a mountain he has overcome).
Any child with hearing loss or impairment is going to have challenges in learning to read as so much of reading is associated with sound. However, in the majority of situations that can be overcome and taught through one of two methods - phonics or more commonly sight words. Typically children with hearing loss do better with sight words as that is not dependant upon sound. When a child learns to read, teachers and parents know that they can read by their oral reading ability - if they read it correctly to you, you know that they can read.
With Tyler, this hasn't been the case. After several different approaches to learning, it has become evident that Tyler is reading very little. They have tried the phonetic approach on more than one occassion. They have tried the sight word approach with spurts of what seem like success only to go back to square one. One day he may know the simplist of words - the next, not so much. It's heart wrenching to see a child struggle over and over and over again trying to learn a skill that to many seems so basic.
Of course I have always been aware of Tyler's reading struggle...yet, as with any child with disabilities when you are faced with the stark reality of where they are at - there is a part of you that grieves inside for the child you long for them to be. This moment came for me yesterday at Tyler's annual ARD (Admission Review Dismissal) meeting (Individualized Education Plan - IEP for Colorado friends). We had met in December to discuss the possiblity of dyslexia and to approve testing and yesterday was the follow up meeting to discuss those results. Before I continue, let me say that I felt strongly that Tyler did not have dyslexia but of course we had to officially eliminate it.
Going into the meeting, I kept praying "Lord, please do not let it be dyslexia" that is one more "diagnosis" for my little man that has had to face so much. I was in for a HUGE reality check. As the diagnostician began to go over Tyler's testing results - the reality began to hit. As always Tyler's case is far from standard or normal - as his very first Dr labled him he is "Tricky Tyler" Without going into great detail about the test results here are the conclusions that were made:
1.) Tyler DOES NOT have dyslexia.
2.) Tyler is still unable to read even the simplest of reading passages.
3.) Tyler struggles when breaking down words, or dropping of parts of a word.
4.) Tyler struggles with fluency - basically has none.
5.) Although unable to read - Tyler did exceptionally well when asked comprehension questions based on a passage that he failed to read. (I will come back to this in a moment)
Through the meeting the number one concern was: Tyler can't read and we need to figure out a way to help him. Of course, I KNEW this but to hear it verbally said just broke my heart...something about hearing the reality that your almost 12 year old son who has no mental disability, is not autistic, and for all practical purposes should be reading by now and isn't - well it pretty much HURTS!!!
Please don't misunderstand - I want to know EVERYTHING about his education and I strongly believe that parents of children with disabilities need to be actively involved in every part of their education, but hearing it can be like being stabbed again and again with the hard realities. On top of the obvious problem of reading there were the stories from his teachers about his frustration in reading. Like when his teacher tried to direct him away from a large chapter book he wanted to some simpler books that he would have a better chance to read and he replied "Well, I can't read the big book and I can't read the little book so why does it matter which book I get?" Heartbreaking for the teacher AND for me!
Harder still? To look around a room filled with professionals with combined education of over 30 years and to have them ALL say - we have not seen a case like this. We don't understand it. Back to #5 above - Tyler seriously answered the majority of the comprehension questions without having officially "read" the passage. The conclusions: either he is REALLY good at guessing (at which I was told to hit Vegas with him when he is 21 - HA HA!) or perhaps he can read and can't orally convey that. The trouble with the second option is that he has NEVER demonstrated the ability to read aloud at a level that would match with the comprehension. Now, when you read TO him - yes, he gets it but not reading it independantly.
I specifically asked the Audio Impaired specialist if she had seen this in any other hearing impaired child - she said "No, never. They typically can read through sight words."
I am thankful that not ONE person in that room is willing to just give up. They are going to be trying a third method of reading with him beginning this coming Tuesday. There is no guarantee that it will work but at this point, he has nothing to loose and everything to gain.
However, as I got into my car to leave the meeting - my eyes filled with tears and I just cried...."Why God? Why does he have to have any more challenges? He already has a hearing loss, a speech impairment, struggles to learn in general. Why does he have to be a case that no one has seen before? Why can't it just be an easy fix this one time?" and then yes, I had this thought...remember me saying "Lord please don't let it be dyslexia"? I cried "Lord, why COULDN'T it have just been dyslexia?" Yep...typical cry to the Lord. He answered my first prayer and yet I still complained! Go figure...
As the sting began to wear off and I was able to vent to my AMAZING sister-in-law...I once again just had to smile. My little "resourceful one" has been VERY resourceful! He has managed to learn math with a calculator, he is smart enough to ask his peers for help on school work so that he can get it done without reading, he knows how to manuever someone into reading to him, and he has even learned to proficiently read lips!!! More than this though - God has reminded me that in spite of "stumping" his teachers and educational professionals - GOD IS NOT STUMPED!
Not one part of Tyler's story has surprised or taken God of guard...in fact GOD PLANNED IT! Jeremiah 29:11 - "I know the plans I have for you....plans to prosper you...to give you a future and a hope!" AMEN!!! God has a plan for Tyler's life!!! In MY plans, Tyler can read fluidly and is successful academically but the reality is that may or may not be a part of GOD'S plan for Tyler and I need to trust that. If Tyler never really learns to read, I need to accept that as a part of the story God has for him.
As any parent with a special needs child must do - I need to focus on what Tyler CAN do and who God has created him to be.
* He CAN love unconditionally those around him.
* He CAN help with a servant's heart any who will allow him
* He CAN learn visually and through hands-on-experience
* He CAN love and laugh through every part of life and express a care-free attitude that I am in awe of
I don't know where Tyler's journey will take him or what the rest of his story looks like - but God does and I can rest in the knowledge that GOD IS NOT STUMPED!!!! Praise the Lord!!!
My prayer and my hope is that maybe somewhere there is another parent of a child with a disability who needs to know that - God is not stumped. Doctors, Teachers, Diagnosticians, Counselors may not have the answer but you can rest in the knowledge that GOD KNOWS THE PLANS he has for your child...hold on to that truth. If you need someone who can listen with a heart that understands....
please e-mail me, I am here for you!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
What about church?
So, what about church? What do you think about it? Seriously....
Is it a place you go on Sunday just to say you went?
Is it a place you go so you can have your weekly social hour?
Perhaps you go when it's convenient - you know, the kids are up anyway, we have nothing better to do...
Or maybe you go "because we have always gone."
A better question yet - WHY NOT CHURCH?
Have you been hurt or offended by a person/leader at church?
Maybe you didn't like the music or the preacher went to long?
Maybe your friends don't go, so why go?
Perhaps there is a sporting event that is taking place and you feel the need to go there?
It's the only day you have as a family....let's relax at home?
As a minister's wife and before that as a deacon's daughter....I have at least thought ALL of the above and at some point perhaps they have all been true. However, the older I get and the more I grow closer to Jesus...the more I realize that church is family. I am NOT talking about a building that you attend on Sunday morning....I am talking about the body, the people, that comprise what is the CHURCH.
Recently, I heard it said that the reason attendance is down is because people aren't committed to their churches...I agree but I think there is more to it.
Let me ask you this...Why family?
Think about it...does your family EVER offend you? Do you get tired of listening to the same old thing? Has there ever been a time where you wanted to stay home from a family event and didn't simply because it was FAMILY? For the most part, we are committed to family. We will fight HARD for a relationship just because they are our FAMILY.
I know this from my own experience as well as from others. I have a close friend who has gone through some REALLY tough extended family issues...to the point of sister-in-laws criticizing, siblings judging, etc...It would have been easy for her to say "Forget it...their loss." Yet, I watched a truly amazing thing...she FOUGHT for a relationship, she worked to love in spite of disagreement, she reached out instead of pulling away. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY
Back to the church....What IF we saw a church as FAMILY? What if instead of comparing notes on what church is doing what programs and which church has the most to offer - we instead looked and said "Where can I contribute to this FAMILY?" Once in a church, what if instead of throwing our hands up and saying "I'm outta here" and walking away - we FOUGHT for relationships, we worked at it, we loved, we reached out...suddenly the stakes just got higher.
I am NOT talking about simple attendance on Sunday morning...although that is important. Anyone can get up and tolerate an hour or two at a church. What I am talking about is investing in a FAMILY. Putting their needs ahead of our own...reaching out to them no matter the cost, fighting for the relationship.
This issue has me up at this crazy hour of 4:30 in the morning...well actually since like 2:00. Anyway, as I lie in bed TRYING to go back to sleep I still wrestled with this whole - church attendance/commitment thing. As is typically the case, I knew that if I couldn't sleep God must have something to show me. I got up and after taking our puppy out I began really seeking what God was wanting me to hear....
Acts 2: 42 "And they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to the prayers."
Acts 2:46 "EVERY day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple complex and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with a joyful and humble attitude."
As I read these verses, and then the commentary in my Bible - a few key points caught my attention.
First there were FOUR things that they DEVOTED (COMMITMENT) themselves to:
1.) Teaching of the Apostles - ie. Sunday morning church, Bible Studies, Small Groups.
2.) Fellowship - ie parties, socials, special events
3.) Breaking of Bread - they ATE together, they spent time around the dinner table, like EVERY family should.
4.) Prayer - They were COMMITTED to times of prayer.
Beyond these four things there was an amount of time and places that they met:
1.) EVERY DAY....church was a FIRST priority, before anything else. They didn't "fit it in" they instead made it FIRST. It was a DAILY thing to be together as a church family...not a once or twice a week thing.
2.) FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE - Did you see that? They were in each others homes, daily. Like a FAMILY should be. They were JOYFUL with each other.
I have to say - some of these hit me HARD. As I was lying awake and thinking of our church family, I was quick to get frustrated and angry and start saying "Well they should..." and then I read these points...
Am I eating with my church family? Am I praying? Am I devoted to teaching - not just going since I am a minister's wife? Am I a part of fellowships with a JOYFUL attitude? Am I inviting people to break bread in MY home? Am I putting my church family FIRST EVERY DAY?
Shaking head in shame...no, not like the church in Acts and not like the Bible commands. Oh sure, I am frustrated with attendance, I get more than a little discouraged to hear of a family going to another church for whatever reason, I am looking for the right "program" to attract families....but am I DOING IT GOD'S way?
Being on staff, Joel and I have an inside close up look at how churches are struggling both in growth and financially. We are more than aware of the stark budget cuts and having to trim ministry things here and there and to be honest it DOES get discouraging...but then I come to Acts chapter 2 and I realize it's not about the amount of money our church has - PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND _ YOU NEED TO TITHE (that's a whole different topic) but money doesn't make the church grow. Yes, money helps expand the ways a church can do missions and reach out but that isn't the key to a growing church.
At the end of Acts 2 it says "They ate their food with a joyful and humble attitude, praising God and having favor with all the people. And EVERY day the Lord added to them those who were being saved." vs 46b -47.
I have this hunch, okay more than a hunch, belief - that IF we were to do what the church in Acts did - our churches would be overflowing. Instead, we have allowed work, sports, relaxation, entertainment, etc to become first and put the FAMILY last...both biologically speaking and the church family.
Here's the challenge to myself and to you:
1.) Find a church family that you can be COMMITTED to - in the good, the bad, the ugly. Will you disagree? Yep! Will you get angry and frustrated? Yep! Will you be blessed beyond measure? ABSOLUTELY! Be committed - don't give up on your church family when things are down or hard. STAY IN AND FIGHT...be like my friend and WORK toward a relationship and unity.
2.) Open your HOME on a regular basis. This is a tough one for me...I have four kids and my home is often not clean (okay pretty much NEVER clean). I have a REALLY small house - it's crowded with 6 of us! I don't like to cook...the excuses go on and on...but I can't ignore Acts 2 when it says THEY MET IN HOMES....I want my home to be a place we can break bread together and be a part of each others daily lives.
3.) EVERY day connect with someone within your church family. A phone call. A cup of coffee. A text message. A facebook post. A lunch date. Somehow, someway, connect EVERY DAY!
4.) Make your church your FIRST commitment - not an "if it fits in". When your church is having an event make sure that you and your family are there! Make Sunday a CHURCH with NO exceptions type commitment...that means YES you tell the coach your daughter can't play in the softball tournament if it is on Sunday. That means that YES you are there on Wednesday nights even if you are missing an athletic event or some other thing. When you look at the calendar for the month - the church events are the FIRST things written in - not the last!
As the social/event/calendar coordinator of the Arrington Family - this is my challenge as well. Yes, we are on staff so in a sense we or at minimum Joel - is usually at all church events but I want more. I want a FAMILY relationship, a committed attitude. I want to be reaching out through my home, to be praying with and eating with church family. I want to CONNECT EVERY DAY!
Is it a place you go on Sunday just to say you went?
Is it a place you go so you can have your weekly social hour?
Perhaps you go when it's convenient - you know, the kids are up anyway, we have nothing better to do...
Or maybe you go "because we have always gone."
A better question yet - WHY NOT CHURCH?
Have you been hurt or offended by a person/leader at church?
Maybe you didn't like the music or the preacher went to long?
Maybe your friends don't go, so why go?
Perhaps there is a sporting event that is taking place and you feel the need to go there?
It's the only day you have as a family....let's relax at home?
As a minister's wife and before that as a deacon's daughter....I have at least thought ALL of the above and at some point perhaps they have all been true. However, the older I get and the more I grow closer to Jesus...the more I realize that church is family. I am NOT talking about a building that you attend on Sunday morning....I am talking about the body, the people, that comprise what is the CHURCH.
Recently, I heard it said that the reason attendance is down is because people aren't committed to their churches...I agree but I think there is more to it.
Let me ask you this...Why family?
Think about it...does your family EVER offend you? Do you get tired of listening to the same old thing? Has there ever been a time where you wanted to stay home from a family event and didn't simply because it was FAMILY? For the most part, we are committed to family. We will fight HARD for a relationship just because they are our FAMILY.
I know this from my own experience as well as from others. I have a close friend who has gone through some REALLY tough extended family issues...to the point of sister-in-laws criticizing, siblings judging, etc...It would have been easy for her to say "Forget it...their loss." Yet, I watched a truly amazing thing...she FOUGHT for a relationship, she worked to love in spite of disagreement, she reached out instead of pulling away. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY
Back to the church....What IF we saw a church as FAMILY? What if instead of comparing notes on what church is doing what programs and which church has the most to offer - we instead looked and said "Where can I contribute to this FAMILY?" Once in a church, what if instead of throwing our hands up and saying "I'm outta here" and walking away - we FOUGHT for relationships, we worked at it, we loved, we reached out...suddenly the stakes just got higher.
I am NOT talking about simple attendance on Sunday morning...although that is important. Anyone can get up and tolerate an hour or two at a church. What I am talking about is investing in a FAMILY. Putting their needs ahead of our own...reaching out to them no matter the cost, fighting for the relationship.
This issue has me up at this crazy hour of 4:30 in the morning...well actually since like 2:00. Anyway, as I lie in bed TRYING to go back to sleep I still wrestled with this whole - church attendance/commitment thing. As is typically the case, I knew that if I couldn't sleep God must have something to show me. I got up and after taking our puppy out I began really seeking what God was wanting me to hear....
Acts 2: 42 "And they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to the prayers."
Acts 2:46 "EVERY day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple complex and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with a joyful and humble attitude."
As I read these verses, and then the commentary in my Bible - a few key points caught my attention.
First there were FOUR things that they DEVOTED (COMMITMENT) themselves to:
1.) Teaching of the Apostles - ie. Sunday morning church, Bible Studies, Small Groups.
2.) Fellowship - ie parties, socials, special events
3.) Breaking of Bread - they ATE together, they spent time around the dinner table, like EVERY family should.
4.) Prayer - They were COMMITTED to times of prayer.
Beyond these four things there was an amount of time and places that they met:
1.) EVERY DAY....church was a FIRST priority, before anything else. They didn't "fit it in" they instead made it FIRST. It was a DAILY thing to be together as a church family...not a once or twice a week thing.
2.) FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE - Did you see that? They were in each others homes, daily. Like a FAMILY should be. They were JOYFUL with each other.
I have to say - some of these hit me HARD. As I was lying awake and thinking of our church family, I was quick to get frustrated and angry and start saying "Well they should..." and then I read these points...
Am I eating with my church family? Am I praying? Am I devoted to teaching - not just going since I am a minister's wife? Am I a part of fellowships with a JOYFUL attitude? Am I inviting people to break bread in MY home? Am I putting my church family FIRST EVERY DAY?
Shaking head in shame...no, not like the church in Acts and not like the Bible commands. Oh sure, I am frustrated with attendance, I get more than a little discouraged to hear of a family going to another church for whatever reason, I am looking for the right "program" to attract families....but am I DOING IT GOD'S way?
Being on staff, Joel and I have an inside close up look at how churches are struggling both in growth and financially. We are more than aware of the stark budget cuts and having to trim ministry things here and there and to be honest it DOES get discouraging...but then I come to Acts chapter 2 and I realize it's not about the amount of money our church has - PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND _ YOU NEED TO TITHE (that's a whole different topic) but money doesn't make the church grow. Yes, money helps expand the ways a church can do missions and reach out but that isn't the key to a growing church.
At the end of Acts 2 it says "They ate their food with a joyful and humble attitude, praising God and having favor with all the people. And EVERY day the Lord added to them those who were being saved." vs 46b -47.
I have this hunch, okay more than a hunch, belief - that IF we were to do what the church in Acts did - our churches would be overflowing. Instead, we have allowed work, sports, relaxation, entertainment, etc to become first and put the FAMILY last...both biologically speaking and the church family.
Here's the challenge to myself and to you:
1.) Find a church family that you can be COMMITTED to - in the good, the bad, the ugly. Will you disagree? Yep! Will you get angry and frustrated? Yep! Will you be blessed beyond measure? ABSOLUTELY! Be committed - don't give up on your church family when things are down or hard. STAY IN AND FIGHT...be like my friend and WORK toward a relationship and unity.
2.) Open your HOME on a regular basis. This is a tough one for me...I have four kids and my home is often not clean (okay pretty much NEVER clean). I have a REALLY small house - it's crowded with 6 of us! I don't like to cook...the excuses go on and on...but I can't ignore Acts 2 when it says THEY MET IN HOMES....I want my home to be a place we can break bread together and be a part of each others daily lives.
3.) EVERY day connect with someone within your church family. A phone call. A cup of coffee. A text message. A facebook post. A lunch date. Somehow, someway, connect EVERY DAY!
4.) Make your church your FIRST commitment - not an "if it fits in". When your church is having an event make sure that you and your family are there! Make Sunday a CHURCH with NO exceptions type commitment...that means YES you tell the coach your daughter can't play in the softball tournament if it is on Sunday. That means that YES you are there on Wednesday nights even if you are missing an athletic event or some other thing. When you look at the calendar for the month - the church events are the FIRST things written in - not the last!
As the social/event/calendar coordinator of the Arrington Family - this is my challenge as well. Yes, we are on staff so in a sense we or at minimum Joel - is usually at all church events but I want more. I want a FAMILY relationship, a committed attitude. I want to be reaching out through my home, to be praying with and eating with church family. I want to CONNECT EVERY DAY!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
What if I did what I could?
I am a sucker for a good fictional story...I really am! I have ALWAYS loved to read and most definitely fiction is my favorite. I can just get completely and totally lost in a good book. In fact, one of the funniest stories regarding my reading obsession was as a young teen I prayed for the characters in my book at our family breakfast table...Yep! True story.
Yet, as much as I love to read it is often hard for me to get into a book that isn't fiction that doesn't tell a story...however, the book "She did what she could" by Elisa Morgan has reached out and grabbed me. It's a short little book - just over 100 pages. I was given it for Christmas by my sister.
The background of the book is the story of Mary in Mark 14:3-9. Having been a Christian for over 30 years and having grown up in a Christian family, for the most part I think I have heard or read almost all the stories in the Bible. However, this particular story was one that if I have read it I certainly didn't remember it. The scene is Jesus and many of His followers reclining a dinner table. As was custom, women were in the background and not necessarily a part of the meal. Yet, Mary knows and realizes who Jesus is. She quietly and yet with determination goes to him, breaks open a jar of nard and pours it over His head. Those at the table are indignant! How could she waste such expensive oil? Yet Jesus says these words that are SO captivating...
"Leave her alone. Why criticize her for doing such a good thing to me? You will always have the poor among you, and you can help them whenever you want to. But you will not always have me. She did what she could and has anointed my body for burial ahead of time. I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed."
Without going into the entire premise for the book, you can read it for yourself, let me just highlight what the Lord has shown me through this passage:
1.) "Why criticize her for doing such a good thing to me?" - Confession time...I often find myself "criticizing" other believers and what or how they give. I can even say - why wouldn't they save that for people who need it - why did they donate it to this particular ministry and not that one. Yet, God alone knows their heart and it is HIS to receive as He wishes.
2.) "She did what she could..." - oh this resonated for me. I am NOT the picture of a minister's wife. I don't play the piano or sing, I don't like to cook, I am horrible at sending cute little cards to those who miss Sunday School, I am not creative in doing a bulletin boards, I don't know cutesy little crafts that kids can do, I don't sew costumes for the children's programs, I am not quiet and behind the scenes, I do speak my mind and later regret it...etc. So, when God revealed to me that I would be a minister's wife for life...that was hard to swallow. I was a lot like Moses - a long list of what I COULDN'T do. Somehow, in all His grace and mercy God reached down and sort of said "Are you done telling me what you can't do? I am ready to show you what you can do!" As I read this book, I was reminded that instead of focusing on what I can't do - God wants me to do what I CAN do! I can listen, I can organize, I can type, I can teach a Bible Study, I can go help a new mom with household chores, I can babysit so that same mom can have time to herself, I can encourage...He only asks for me to do what I can do in that moment at that point in time.
3.) "wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed." Notice that her deed was a small one - she only anointed him with oil and yet her deed is still remembered. A small, little deed. Something that she probably thought insignificant and unimportant but she felt led to do - remembered for all time. I don't want to be remembered for the amount of my tithe, I don't want to be remembered for the wife that I am, I don't want to be remembered for the hours I donated...when people discuss my life - I pray that they will say "She did what she could, with what she had, in the time she was given." Nothing more, nothing less.
As I look at this book - my prayer is that I will chose every moment of every day to do what I can for the the Kingdom of God. May I no longer focus on the things I can't do but instead choose to do what I can in that moment.
Yet, as much as I love to read it is often hard for me to get into a book that isn't fiction that doesn't tell a story...however, the book "She did what she could" by Elisa Morgan has reached out and grabbed me. It's a short little book - just over 100 pages. I was given it for Christmas by my sister.
The background of the book is the story of Mary in Mark 14:3-9. Having been a Christian for over 30 years and having grown up in a Christian family, for the most part I think I have heard or read almost all the stories in the Bible. However, this particular story was one that if I have read it I certainly didn't remember it. The scene is Jesus and many of His followers reclining a dinner table. As was custom, women were in the background and not necessarily a part of the meal. Yet, Mary knows and realizes who Jesus is. She quietly and yet with determination goes to him, breaks open a jar of nard and pours it over His head. Those at the table are indignant! How could she waste such expensive oil? Yet Jesus says these words that are SO captivating...
"Leave her alone. Why criticize her for doing such a good thing to me? You will always have the poor among you, and you can help them whenever you want to. But you will not always have me. She did what she could and has anointed my body for burial ahead of time. I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed."
Without going into the entire premise for the book, you can read it for yourself, let me just highlight what the Lord has shown me through this passage:
1.) "Why criticize her for doing such a good thing to me?" - Confession time...I often find myself "criticizing" other believers and what or how they give. I can even say - why wouldn't they save that for people who need it - why did they donate it to this particular ministry and not that one. Yet, God alone knows their heart and it is HIS to receive as He wishes.
2.) "She did what she could..." - oh this resonated for me. I am NOT the picture of a minister's wife. I don't play the piano or sing, I don't like to cook, I am horrible at sending cute little cards to those who miss Sunday School, I am not creative in doing a bulletin boards, I don't know cutesy little crafts that kids can do, I don't sew costumes for the children's programs, I am not quiet and behind the scenes, I do speak my mind and later regret it...etc. So, when God revealed to me that I would be a minister's wife for life...that was hard to swallow. I was a lot like Moses - a long list of what I COULDN'T do. Somehow, in all His grace and mercy God reached down and sort of said "Are you done telling me what you can't do? I am ready to show you what you can do!" As I read this book, I was reminded that instead of focusing on what I can't do - God wants me to do what I CAN do! I can listen, I can organize, I can type, I can teach a Bible Study, I can go help a new mom with household chores, I can babysit so that same mom can have time to herself, I can encourage...He only asks for me to do what I can do in that moment at that point in time.
3.) "wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed." Notice that her deed was a small one - she only anointed him with oil and yet her deed is still remembered. A small, little deed. Something that she probably thought insignificant and unimportant but she felt led to do - remembered for all time. I don't want to be remembered for the amount of my tithe, I don't want to be remembered for the wife that I am, I don't want to be remembered for the hours I donated...when people discuss my life - I pray that they will say "She did what she could, with what she had, in the time she was given." Nothing more, nothing less.
As I look at this book - my prayer is that I will chose every moment of every day to do what I can for the the Kingdom of God. May I no longer focus on the things I can't do but instead choose to do what I can in that moment.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Let's have a recap of 2012....
2012
Although I have blogged some of the big points of 2012...I thought I would take this time and recap for those of you who want to know where the Arrington family is at and where we have been!
January: Found us settled in our new home of Borger, Tx. We enjoyed the fact that we no longer had to shovel ourselves out of the driveway, while at the same time missing the snowy mountains of Colorado! Another biggie for January was the decision to bring Hannah home for the remaining part of her freshman year...although an adjustment, it has turned out beautifully!
February: Not much happened in February other than cold temperatures and fun times at home.
March: Hannah and Malachi had the opportunity to go to Laredo Tx on a mission trip with our church. Laredo is on the Mexico/Texas border and resembles more of Mexico than Texas. This was a growing and stretching experience for them as it was the first mission trip they had gone on without Joel or I there with them! Hannah looks forward to continuing her learning of the Spanish language so that she can share with more people as God opens the door.
April: Joel was able to travel to his first children's ministry conference in Atlanta, Ga and God reaffirmed his desire to reach families! Meanwhile, Kestra was able to re-enter the world of softball which she has missed since living in Arkansas and Malachi and Tyler both jumped in on some soccer action!
May: Hannah turned 15! Where did the years go? Tyler was baptized - being the last of our four children to publicly profess his faith. Joel had the honor of baptizing him and we were blessed that my parents could join us for this moment!
June: Began the first of a crazy summer full of camps and trips! Tyler was able to attend Sonlight Christian Camp in Pagosa Springs thanks to a generous scholarship and he LOVED it! We are hoping to send him again this summer but aren't sure yet. Meanwhile - Hannah, Malachi, and Kestra all went to youth camp in the Houston area. Again - a first for them without Joel and I as leaders. With all four kids gone for a week - Joel and I were able to enjoy some "us" time and even got away for a night in Amarillo! Tyler spent his 11th birthday with Grandparents and got more than just a little spoiled!
July: We traveled to Colorado for the fourth and had the opportunity to celebrate the fourth of July with family in Silverton, Co. Upon returning from that trip, Kestra and I headed out to Sherman Tx for a children's camp - it was a great time for us and we really enjoyed it. Everyone with the exception of Hannah got to go to another Children's camp here in the area. Malachi went as a Jr Counselor. While we were gone, Hannah had her first go at being "home alone"! Thanks to some church family checking in on her - she did AMAZING! The last of July had myself and the three older ones off to Arlington, Tx for a youth mission trip. It was simply AWESOME to experience third world type conditions right here in our own state - we hope to go again this summer!!! Malachi turned 14 bringing home the reality that my babies aren't so little any more! Joel also celebrated his 37th birthday complete with a surprise party put on by parents of our children's ministry!
August: The definite highlight for all of us was WALT DISNEY WORLD! This was the first time for the younger three to fly on an airplane and a first for everyone except Joel to go to Disney (well, I went as a kid but don't really remember it). So many memories were made and it was a FANTASTIC way to end the summer! Also in August, Hannah and Malachi started school through Texas Virtual Academy. TXVA is an on-line K-12 school that allows for the academics of public school but in a home environment. We are LOVING it! I act as a monitor or aide while the kids have actual teachers on-line. Both Hannah and Malachi have adjusted well to this type of school and their grades are so great! Kestra and Tyler continued on at Borger schools and are doing great!
September: The biggest highlight was that Joel got to travel to Zimbabwe Africa with our Pastor and 3 other men. The Lord laid Zimbabwe on my heart back in 2010. After returning, I said that I would go back in 2012...the Lord fulfilled this by allowing Joel to go in 2012 and thus uniting us in our desire to continue missions to the country of Zimbabwe. We don't know when but we are both committed to returning to Zim in the coming years!
October: After a busy August and September - October was a welcome down time for us of regrouping.
November: Back in the summer God planted the idea with Joel of a time of celebrating the harvest in a unique way with a western flair. This came to pass in the form of our Boots N Jeans weekend in November where the Bar D Wranglers came from Durango Co and we had a Chuckwagon dinner! Such a fun time! We also celebrated Kestra's 13th birthday - YIKES 3 teens - as well as Thanksgiving with Joel's parents. Kestra also made the Jr High Basketball team adding to her sports!
December: Parties, Dinners, Parties! One of the definite perks of ministry life is the many parties you are invited to and get to participate in at Christmas! We also enjoyed a simpler family Christmas and time with my sister and parents in Plano, Tx. I celebrated my 38th birthday and am just so blessed by where God has me in life!
2013 - we don't know all that God has in store but we are anxiously awaiting to see! Things we are looking forward to this next year:
Hannah will turn 16 and most likely get her license!
Malachi will turn 15 and will be working toward getting his as well as starting HS!
More camps and trips through church
Joel potentially completing his Bachelor's Degree through Liberty University!
A visit with close friends from college in May
Joel performing his first wedding on his birthday in July!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Simplify Christmas...Weird I know!!!
Each year, I have a picture in my head of what Christmas time at the Arringtons will look like. The picture in my mind is probably similar to what you picture or maybe even have...here are some of the things in Christmas in my head:
A LARGE beautiful tree - complete with matching ornaments, and beautifully wrapped presents even in matching paper....
The smell of many homemade sweets baking and sweet smiling children awaiting....
Christmas music playing softly....
A clean house....
A crackling fire that is smelling oh so like the mountains....
Christmas cards/letters mailed out with this adorable family picture on them
And of course SNOW (ok, not in my control but in my mind!)
Anyway - you get the idea right? Well the problem with this beautiful Christmas picture is well, ummm....it really hasn't happened in well like....ok well pretty much not ever. I can't pin point it other than to say most of the time life just doesn't match up with the picture in my mind.
A few years ago, as Joel and I began to talk about gifts for the kids, and our Christmas budget I came across this great idea on the internet to give your kids 3 gifts. Gold - something they want; Frankincense - something they wear; and Myhr - something to help them grow spiritually. So, that has worked for the most part and we love it!! This was the beginning of a journey to "re-think" Christmas at the Arringtons.
This year, our budget has been really tight. Now, some of that was in a trip to Disney World which we LOVED and I wouldn't trade for anything but a lot of it has just been life and unexpected expenses. As we neared the holidays...I found myself a little down because slowly, one by one, the things in my picture of Christmas were just not going to happen....
We don't have a Big tree...in fact, we have no tree.
We don't have a fireplace and thus no fire...
The house isn't clean but only picked up
Baking just hasn't happened
Snow in West Texas???
Christmas cards...yeah that one NEVER happens! LOL
There are no matching presents carefully wrapped
Before I go on,...let me explain something. Joel and I have been on a quest. A quest to live a life that is simplified, that is focused on Christ like living, and that seeks to create a "new" normal for us. We are revamping our budget in BIG ways, we are rethinking how and why we do things and more than anything we want our life to reflect Christ in EVERY area. With that in mind...we have chosen to simplify what the world defines as Christmas....Here's how:
1.) We are celebrating gifts with our children in January and letting December be all about Jesus and family. So, other than some small very token type gifts our kids aren't opening presents until then. We have explained to them that Christmas is about Christ - not us. I won't say they cheerfully accepted this, but they are warming to the idea. I won't even say this will be a yearly thing - just where we are THIS year.
2.) The money we would spend on gifts - we have split between giving to a single mom with 5 children and using to travel to spend time with family.
3.) We officially are done with Santa - not only do our kids now know he isn't real but he just gets far too much emphasis.
4.) We aren't "over indulging" in the amount and types of foods we bought for the holidays - just the normal everyday budget friendly eating. (of course, we do enjoy the yummy food at parties!)
5.) We are THOROUGHLY enjoying quiet nights and days at home with the kids filled with movies and board games.
6.) We are enjoying time talking with our kids about what Christmas is REALLY about.
I know this is weird and it is so very different. It has been hard for me to adjust to in all honesty - however, based on events the past week - I am so thankful God has me in this place. The tragedy in Connecticut has our entire Nation hugging children just a little tighter. In addition, a friend from High School died very suddenly and unexpectedly just yesterday.
Things like this make me realize something - I want my children to experience the joy of giving and building relationships. I want them to see Christmas as a time to give away and not get. To focus on a Savior and not the shopping and the stress. Please know, we don't frown upon traditional Christmas activities by ANY means. Nor do we think everyone needs to simplify. Next year - my Christmas may look a little more like that picture - or it may not.
My point is this - there is no tradition or expectation of the Christmas Season that should take away from the joy of Christ and giving to others. If circumstances in your life have forced you to have just a smaller than normal Christmas remember the humble stable where it all began. It wasn't in a decorated house, there were no lights on the tree, or cookies baking in the oven. In fact, there were no presents that first night (the wise-men arrived two years later). It was a quiet peaceful serene moment...the focus on a small baby.
Each year we "give" Jesus a gift in his stocking - this year my gift is simply a simplified Christmas!
A LARGE beautiful tree - complete with matching ornaments, and beautifully wrapped presents even in matching paper....
The smell of many homemade sweets baking and sweet smiling children awaiting....
Christmas music playing softly....
A clean house....
A crackling fire that is smelling oh so like the mountains....
Christmas cards/letters mailed out with this adorable family picture on them
And of course SNOW (ok, not in my control but in my mind!)
Anyway - you get the idea right? Well the problem with this beautiful Christmas picture is well, ummm....it really hasn't happened in well like....ok well pretty much not ever. I can't pin point it other than to say most of the time life just doesn't match up with the picture in my mind.
A few years ago, as Joel and I began to talk about gifts for the kids, and our Christmas budget I came across this great idea on the internet to give your kids 3 gifts. Gold - something they want; Frankincense - something they wear; and Myhr - something to help them grow spiritually. So, that has worked for the most part and we love it!! This was the beginning of a journey to "re-think" Christmas at the Arringtons.
This year, our budget has been really tight. Now, some of that was in a trip to Disney World which we LOVED and I wouldn't trade for anything but a lot of it has just been life and unexpected expenses. As we neared the holidays...I found myself a little down because slowly, one by one, the things in my picture of Christmas were just not going to happen....
We don't have a Big tree...in fact, we have no tree.
We don't have a fireplace and thus no fire...
The house isn't clean but only picked up
Baking just hasn't happened
Snow in West Texas???
Christmas cards...yeah that one NEVER happens! LOL
There are no matching presents carefully wrapped
Before I go on,...let me explain something. Joel and I have been on a quest. A quest to live a life that is simplified, that is focused on Christ like living, and that seeks to create a "new" normal for us. We are revamping our budget in BIG ways, we are rethinking how and why we do things and more than anything we want our life to reflect Christ in EVERY area. With that in mind...we have chosen to simplify what the world defines as Christmas....Here's how:
1.) We are celebrating gifts with our children in January and letting December be all about Jesus and family. So, other than some small very token type gifts our kids aren't opening presents until then. We have explained to them that Christmas is about Christ - not us. I won't say they cheerfully accepted this, but they are warming to the idea. I won't even say this will be a yearly thing - just where we are THIS year.
2.) The money we would spend on gifts - we have split between giving to a single mom with 5 children and using to travel to spend time with family.
3.) We officially are done with Santa - not only do our kids now know he isn't real but he just gets far too much emphasis.
4.) We aren't "over indulging" in the amount and types of foods we bought for the holidays - just the normal everyday budget friendly eating. (of course, we do enjoy the yummy food at parties!)
5.) We are THOROUGHLY enjoying quiet nights and days at home with the kids filled with movies and board games.
6.) We are enjoying time talking with our kids about what Christmas is REALLY about.
I know this is weird and it is so very different. It has been hard for me to adjust to in all honesty - however, based on events the past week - I am so thankful God has me in this place. The tragedy in Connecticut has our entire Nation hugging children just a little tighter. In addition, a friend from High School died very suddenly and unexpectedly just yesterday.
Things like this make me realize something - I want my children to experience the joy of giving and building relationships. I want them to see Christmas as a time to give away and not get. To focus on a Savior and not the shopping and the stress. Please know, we don't frown upon traditional Christmas activities by ANY means. Nor do we think everyone needs to simplify. Next year - my Christmas may look a little more like that picture - or it may not.
My point is this - there is no tradition or expectation of the Christmas Season that should take away from the joy of Christ and giving to others. If circumstances in your life have forced you to have just a smaller than normal Christmas remember the humble stable where it all began. It wasn't in a decorated house, there were no lights on the tree, or cookies baking in the oven. In fact, there were no presents that first night (the wise-men arrived two years later). It was a quiet peaceful serene moment...the focus on a small baby.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Learning to lean...learning to let go...
First of all - let me say that I am sorry it has been so long since I have blogged. Life has just seemed to be going and going; before I knew it November has come and is almost gone! Whew!!!
If I were to sum up what the Lord has been teaching/showing me in the past few months it would be this: Learning to lean and learning to let go. I know, I know sounds kind of contridictory I know but let me explain.
I have a control/fix it mentality. I really do. I see a problem, I don't want to focus on the problem I want to jump to the solution - often times before I have even fully grasped the problem. I want to FIX it, I want it gone, out of here! It doesn't matter the area of life or even if it is MY problem - I want to fix it. However, often times I can't. I just can't. Sometimes it is because the problem isn't mine to solve, or the solution isn't there yet, or well gulp, I just CAN'T!!! I especially struggle with this in terms of a problem or obstacle that I believe to be MY FAULT...there, I said it. If it is my fault, then I should be able to fix it - right? Nope...not always.
See, sometimes I believe that God allows us to dig ourselves in a hole so deep that we have to come to the point of absolute and total dependance on HIM! He has to be the one to get us out...there is a video I once saw called "A Man fell in a hole..." the whole video is how this man falls in a hole and all these people "attempt" to get him out - they can't. Yet, Jesus comes along and is the only one who can get him out. The man FELL in the hole. He wasn't pushed there, he wasn't placed there, he FELL there on his own accord. Perhaps he was distracted, perhaps he just plain didn't see it - regardless he got himself in the hole. I can relate. Recently, I have found myself in a hole. I wasn't pushed or placed or forced there - I FELL there. In fact, well...I am still in the hole in a sense but don't worry, this isn't the end of the post! I am not going to be left in the hole!
God is teaching and molding me. He is showing me that HIS grace is sufficient that I can LEAN on HIM! That HE will, in HIS time, remove me from the hole. I am learning, I am growing, I am being stretched and HE is ABLE! I don't see the how, I don't see the when, but I know I can trust in HIM to get me out of the hole. I want to fix it - if I work more (more on that in a bit), if I cut out more, if I pray more, if I do more, if I am more, etc....NOPE! Not gonna cut it...it's a God sized hole that I HAVE to lean on Him to get me out....
Now for the letting go part...as stated earlier I am a fixer but I also like to be in control. I want to be the one who determines how and when things are going to happen. In regards to my "hole" I had a plan! I was going to be out of that stupid hole by mid November. I had it lined out, planned out, it looked good on paper and well, that was that! It's November 27 - I am not out of the hole, my plan didn't really work, not sure why, I followed it to the T but here I am. I sat down, I revised, if I subbed just a few more days, if I sacrificed just this little bit of the calling God placed on my life (I'll come back to it God.), if I begged and pleaded just a tad more, if I just got a full-time job, if I gave up this part of our family...THEN I would be out of the hole. It hasn't worked...and I am realizing that until I let go of MY plans, MY agenda, MY timeline that I will stay in the hole. I don't LIKE the hole, it's dark, it's overbearing, it's lonely, it's suffocating and I WANT OUT...and thus the reason that I am learning it is time to let go. It is no longer mine to hold on to, I can't plan the when, the how ,the where the why - I just have to let go and let God.
For a moment let me chase a little side rabbit trail that in it's own way is connected. During my time in the hole (ha ha sounds like a prison cell!) God has allowed my husband to be ever so faithful, so encouraging, so focused, so wise...I have ignored him too. I thought, "Joel just isn't the planner I am. He's not thinking it all through - MY WAY WILL WORK.". My way, wasn't God's way, it wasn't my husband's way and well it didn't work...hmm, something to be said about that. You see, as a wife I am called to submit to and trust my husband. Can I state my opinion or ideas - absolutely! However, at the point in which he states the way we need to handle something then I need to listen, obey and follow. I haven't done that - I have fought, struggled, demanded, begged, pleaded - ok threw a down right temper tantrum to do it my way! Guess what? God AND my husband finally conceded and said "Ok, have it your way." Yep...didn't work. God will not honor and bless if our hearts are not first right with him and we aren't truly where we need to be in our walk with Him and secondly, as a wife I don't believe God will bless until I have submitted to my husband and I am right with him as well.
If you haven't guessed it by now - my hole centers around finances. It is a hole I KNOW to look out for, a hole I am familiar with as well...I have frequented it many times before. Times when I doubted and did not let go, times when I tried to take control and didn't lean on God, times when I failed to do things the way God has called me to...it is a hole that I HATE and yet I know God is still molding and refining me through this hole. The world tells me that I have a college degree and that I can make a decent income using that degree full-time. The world states that working 40-50 hours is the solution to getting out of the hole. The world says it's ok if my kids suffer in school, or lack of time with me as long as the paycheck is coming in....God says something different, something WEIRD in the world's standards. God says..I AM. I AM your PROVIDER, I AM your SUSTAINER, I AM your PHYSICIAN, I AM your SAVIOR, I AM your ALL IN ALL...and I WILL do what I say I WILL do! I do long to use the degree I have, and I believe that God will allow me to do that one day but that day isn't here and it won't come until I fully and completely let go and lean on Him.
This post is definitely a little more "open book" than I typically get but I felt that it was time to confess not only to God and to my husband but to be open about the struggle I am having in this hole. Not for the purpose of a "pat on the back" or "wow, you are so strong" etc. Believe me I am anything but strong...just ask my husband or best friend how many stinking temper tantrums I have thrown during the past few weeks!!! I am sharing it as a record of who God is and what He is doing and continues to do in my life. Many think minister's and their families have it all figured out and together and that life is just "peaches and cream" for us - the truth is we struggle, we fail, we doubt, we wonder just like any other family and in many ways we are harder on ourselves.
Why don't I need to work full time or sub full time? Simply stated - God says no and so does my husband. The more in depth answer - we have two children who need to be at home in a home-school environment so that they can thrive and grow. We have a ministry to a church and community that requires both Joel and I to be available and working within it. We have a son with special needs and learning disabilities that needs extra help and mom-time. We have a daughter involved in extra-curricular sports and activities that requires mom help. We have a home that needs TLC so that all 6 of us are able to relax and let go here...Would an extra income allow for any of this? NOPE...Will God provide the finances we need? YOU BET HE WILL!
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jer 29:11-13
Here's the video that I refer to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCTltHR-Hg
If I were to sum up what the Lord has been teaching/showing me in the past few months it would be this: Learning to lean and learning to let go. I know, I know sounds kind of contridictory I know but let me explain.
I have a control/fix it mentality. I really do. I see a problem, I don't want to focus on the problem I want to jump to the solution - often times before I have even fully grasped the problem. I want to FIX it, I want it gone, out of here! It doesn't matter the area of life or even if it is MY problem - I want to fix it. However, often times I can't. I just can't. Sometimes it is because the problem isn't mine to solve, or the solution isn't there yet, or well gulp, I just CAN'T!!! I especially struggle with this in terms of a problem or obstacle that I believe to be MY FAULT...there, I said it. If it is my fault, then I should be able to fix it - right? Nope...not always.
See, sometimes I believe that God allows us to dig ourselves in a hole so deep that we have to come to the point of absolute and total dependance on HIM! He has to be the one to get us out...there is a video I once saw called "A Man fell in a hole..." the whole video is how this man falls in a hole and all these people "attempt" to get him out - they can't. Yet, Jesus comes along and is the only one who can get him out. The man FELL in the hole. He wasn't pushed there, he wasn't placed there, he FELL there on his own accord. Perhaps he was distracted, perhaps he just plain didn't see it - regardless he got himself in the hole. I can relate. Recently, I have found myself in a hole. I wasn't pushed or placed or forced there - I FELL there. In fact, well...I am still in the hole in a sense but don't worry, this isn't the end of the post! I am not going to be left in the hole!
God is teaching and molding me. He is showing me that HIS grace is sufficient that I can LEAN on HIM! That HE will, in HIS time, remove me from the hole. I am learning, I am growing, I am being stretched and HE is ABLE! I don't see the how, I don't see the when, but I know I can trust in HIM to get me out of the hole. I want to fix it - if I work more (more on that in a bit), if I cut out more, if I pray more, if I do more, if I am more, etc....NOPE! Not gonna cut it...it's a God sized hole that I HAVE to lean on Him to get me out....
Now for the letting go part...as stated earlier I am a fixer but I also like to be in control. I want to be the one who determines how and when things are going to happen. In regards to my "hole" I had a plan! I was going to be out of that stupid hole by mid November. I had it lined out, planned out, it looked good on paper and well, that was that! It's November 27 - I am not out of the hole, my plan didn't really work, not sure why, I followed it to the T but here I am. I sat down, I revised, if I subbed just a few more days, if I sacrificed just this little bit of the calling God placed on my life (I'll come back to it God.), if I begged and pleaded just a tad more, if I just got a full-time job, if I gave up this part of our family...THEN I would be out of the hole. It hasn't worked...and I am realizing that until I let go of MY plans, MY agenda, MY timeline that I will stay in the hole. I don't LIKE the hole, it's dark, it's overbearing, it's lonely, it's suffocating and I WANT OUT...and thus the reason that I am learning it is time to let go. It is no longer mine to hold on to, I can't plan the when, the how ,the where the why - I just have to let go and let God.
For a moment let me chase a little side rabbit trail that in it's own way is connected. During my time in the hole (ha ha sounds like a prison cell!) God has allowed my husband to be ever so faithful, so encouraging, so focused, so wise...I have ignored him too. I thought, "Joel just isn't the planner I am. He's not thinking it all through - MY WAY WILL WORK.". My way, wasn't God's way, it wasn't my husband's way and well it didn't work...hmm, something to be said about that. You see, as a wife I am called to submit to and trust my husband. Can I state my opinion or ideas - absolutely! However, at the point in which he states the way we need to handle something then I need to listen, obey and follow. I haven't done that - I have fought, struggled, demanded, begged, pleaded - ok threw a down right temper tantrum to do it my way! Guess what? God AND my husband finally conceded and said "Ok, have it your way." Yep...didn't work. God will not honor and bless if our hearts are not first right with him and we aren't truly where we need to be in our walk with Him and secondly, as a wife I don't believe God will bless until I have submitted to my husband and I am right with him as well.
If you haven't guessed it by now - my hole centers around finances. It is a hole I KNOW to look out for, a hole I am familiar with as well...I have frequented it many times before. Times when I doubted and did not let go, times when I tried to take control and didn't lean on God, times when I failed to do things the way God has called me to...it is a hole that I HATE and yet I know God is still molding and refining me through this hole. The world tells me that I have a college degree and that I can make a decent income using that degree full-time. The world states that working 40-50 hours is the solution to getting out of the hole. The world says it's ok if my kids suffer in school, or lack of time with me as long as the paycheck is coming in....God says something different, something WEIRD in the world's standards. God says..I AM. I AM your PROVIDER, I AM your SUSTAINER, I AM your PHYSICIAN, I AM your SAVIOR, I AM your ALL IN ALL...and I WILL do what I say I WILL do! I do long to use the degree I have, and I believe that God will allow me to do that one day but that day isn't here and it won't come until I fully and completely let go and lean on Him.
This post is definitely a little more "open book" than I typically get but I felt that it was time to confess not only to God and to my husband but to be open about the struggle I am having in this hole. Not for the purpose of a "pat on the back" or "wow, you are so strong" etc. Believe me I am anything but strong...just ask my husband or best friend how many stinking temper tantrums I have thrown during the past few weeks!!! I am sharing it as a record of who God is and what He is doing and continues to do in my life. Many think minister's and their families have it all figured out and together and that life is just "peaches and cream" for us - the truth is we struggle, we fail, we doubt, we wonder just like any other family and in many ways we are harder on ourselves.
Why don't I need to work full time or sub full time? Simply stated - God says no and so does my husband. The more in depth answer - we have two children who need to be at home in a home-school environment so that they can thrive and grow. We have a ministry to a church and community that requires both Joel and I to be available and working within it. We have a son with special needs and learning disabilities that needs extra help and mom-time. We have a daughter involved in extra-curricular sports and activities that requires mom help. We have a home that needs TLC so that all 6 of us are able to relax and let go here...Would an extra income allow for any of this? NOPE...Will God provide the finances we need? YOU BET HE WILL!
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jer 29:11-13
Here's the video that I refer to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCTltHR-Hg
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