It's been a GOOD day!

The past two months have been rough...no, scratch that...they have been HARD...like down right in the dirt, crushing HARD...

Of course, the loss of my Mom was a HUGE hit but there have been some other pretty major hits as well - a child struggling in High School with grades, a child struggling in college with depression, health and just being overwhelmed, health concerns with parents, demands from work, a struggling economy due to the oil industry, friends that have been faced with mind blowing circumstances...It's been HARD!

A few days ago, a friend posted this image on Facebook and I was like YES...this is it!

This is where I have been for the better part of two months...just doing well to "have a day" literally reeling from one hit before another came...I was ready to have a GOOD day....but it just wasn't coming!!!! 

HOWEVER.....TODAY HAS BEEN A GOOD DAY!!! Today, has been the day that I FINALLY have sensed the cloud lifting, the sun is beginning to peek over the mountain top, there is hope, there is joy, there is PASSION, there is direction, there is PEACE!!! 

It began with a great Bible Study  - a time where I was challenged spiritually (which has been all but non-existent) a time where I could just Breathe...

It continued with a time with some wonderful Moms teaching and preparing some freezer meal planning at MOPS. Hearing them say how much fun they had, how much they learned, and how excited they were to share with their families - was REFRESHING!!!! 

It went all with a call to one of my best friends who was able to share a passion and exciting thing with me....

It continued with a phone call from my sweet oldest who has been struggling so much for the past two months and yet was able to honestly say "Mom, I am finally okay!" ohhh MUSIC to my ears! Maybe she isn't great yet, but it will come - for now hearing "I'm okay" is just fine with me! 

It went on with a fun lunch with my hubby and youngest which was in turn followed by my youngest saying "Mom, I want to help you any way I can - what can I do?" 

So...you see, it really has been a GOOD day!!! The sorrow and weeping may last for the night but JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!!! 

I don't know what tomorrow holds...I don't even know what the rest of today holds...but I know His mercies are new every  morning, I know that He has not left me or forsaken me, I know that He works ALL things together for my good, I know He is able to do so much more than I ask or even imagine, I know that He will make a way in the desert....and I know that He has answered my prayer to have a GOOD day! 

What comes AFTER the unexpected has hit....

Wow! In some ways I can't even believe that it has been over two weeks since my Mom went to be with Jesus and then in some ways...it seems like it has been forever. Notice I don't say since Mom died or passed away - I won't be using those terms because she didn't die or pass away...she simply went on to her Heavenly Home - to be with Jesus. So...let's be clear, I am not in denial, I am not pretending it didn't happen...I just want to be sure and call it what it is. Ok...got off on a rabbit trail there but I want to be sure and make sure that people get it

So...what happens AFTER the tragedy, the unexpected, the loss? That's what has been on my mind these past few days. I was visiting with a friend online and she was sharing her grief experience and how you don't ever "move on" but rather you do learn to "move forward"...she said what I felt! I haven't moved "on" in this new journey without my mom but moment by moment Jesus is showing me how to move forward, how to do the next thing, and to live in the moments that He has given me.

For those who are on the outskirts of a tragedy, those who are watching the ones that have been affected - life goes forward rather quickly. For instance, say you hear on the news about a typhoon that hits somewhere in Asia - our hearts are sad, we pray a prayer, maybe we send money to help but then we are back to our normal everyday life. We go forward with life. Yet, for that family who was barely putting food on the table and whose home is now destroyed...there's a long period of just standstill...wondering what's next? What are we to do? Where do we go?

I believe it is the same in the lives of those who have lost someone they love...or rather, at least it has been for me. I watch as people move forward and go about their daily life and yet...I feel as though my feet are just barely inching forward. Well meaning people say "I'm sorry for your loss" or "So sad to hear about your mom" and then move forward to their next thing...meanwhile I am like "Yes, but now what?" "Where do I go from here?"

Here's the answer that I have found...I move forward each moment through the grace of Jesus. If it's an inch, it's an inch. If I can manage a foot forward...wahoo but it is ALL through Him! I am not "over it" and I most certainly am not moving on as though it never happened but each day, I do see that I have managed to move forward a little more each day and you know - that's where I need to be! Moving forward in our heartache and grief is important. God knows our hurt and brokenness but He hasn't left us there...He wants us to be held by Him, to grasp His outstretched hand and let Him help us take that very next step!

Another thing that I have learned the past few weeks is this...so many times I have read posts and blogs about what to say and what not to say when someone is grieving. Here's my conclusion from the one who IS grieving...it isn't so much what you do say, it's that you care enough to say SOMETHING! The thing that has hurt the most these past few weeks are those who haven't said a thing, that haven't acknowledged that it happened - not those who said maybe the wrong thing with the right intentions. I can deal with that. It's not saying anything at all that gets me...believe me, you aren't going to "remind me" that my mom is gone from earth...I am aware of that. Just let those who are grieving know you care by saying something. My Dad's friend did it best when he called him a few days after the memorial service and said "I really don't know what I am supposed to say, I just know I needed to call you." BEAUTIFUL!!!  Please don't feel like I am pointing a finger at you if you haven't said anything...because I have 4 fingers pointing right back at me! I have been the one who just didn't say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing...now I know how that feels and that it hurts.

I also think that when we aren't the one faced with the unexpected, when we are the ones on the sidelines - we may need to pause in our movement, stop and reach out to those who are hurting and remember that their life has just been hit hard. That they are struggling to take that next breath and make that next step. So, if you see someone struggling, remember that their world was just thrown one heck of a curve ball and they may need you to pull them through for a time!

So...where I am I headed after this hit? I am headed on a new and exciting journey in the footsteps of my Savior. There's some pretty amazing things ahead on this trail - I have had some sneak previews as we make a turn or curve and I am anticipating that it will be WONDERFUL...but in the meantime, I am crossing the muddy waters and my feet are just moving a tad slower for a time, however I won't be staying there...pretty soon, I know we will hit some dry land and pick up the pace!

Mom

(This was actually written January 29 at 1:00 a.m.  - Mom went to be with Jesus January 29 at 3:06 p.m. God is so good in preparing us for what is to come.)


Hey Mom!

Tomorrow - well actually today in a few hours - I am getting on a plane to come see you. Normally, when I come to see you I am so excited! I look forward to visiting, games, and just hanging with you.

This time, this time is different. I am really really sad. You see, the tumor that you have been dealing with is taking over and causing issues. The Doctors don't think there is anything that can be done - so I am supposed to somehow, someway figure out how to say Goodbye. I have been praying for a miracle - and perhaps God will still send one, in which case I will show you this letter and we will rejoice in what God did; however, in case He decides to go ahead and take you home, there are some things I wanted to share with you.

I don't have any regrets - you need to know that. Every moment with you was the best ever! Like seriously - even the hard times, like when we said goodbye to Sherri - you were so amazing. I know that not everyone can say that they have no regrets with their family - but I really don't. I know that because of who you were and who you raised me to be - we cherished every moment!

Here are the things that you taught me, ways you showed me how to live life, and follow Jesus. You were the best example I could EVER ask for.

First things first, you taught me to laugh and have fun! That's what I remember about growing up as a young girl...we had a lot of fun. You taught me my love of playing games which had been passed to you from your Grandmother. There was always time for a game of cards or a Forty-Two night with the Sauls and Davidsons!

Next, you taught me how to love Jesus with all my heart, soul, and mind. I don't remember a single morning growing up that I didn't come out of my room to see you reading your Bible, journaling, and praying. That was the norm for you. You dug into God's Word, you shared your faith with others, and you loved others as God loved you. When Granny A died, you talked to me about Heaven and where she was - you led me to my Savior! This, this is the BEST thing you ever did for me! You also taught me how to sing praises to my Lord! My love of praise and worship music began while watching you praise Jesus with all your being. I used to love to watch you dance and sing in church - even if I did sort of make fun of you! It was really one of my favorites! Oh and I am sure that God has your drum set ready and waiting for you cause you always said that in Heaven you would be the drummer!!!

The next thing you taught me was how to be the most amazing wife EVER!! Like seriously, I never have seen someone love their husband the way you love Dad. Your selfless love and support of him was the greatest lesson for how to love my husband well. You always made time for him and showed us girls that your marriage was second only to your relationship with Jesus. I remember well talking to you about marriage and how I would know who to marry; you said "It's not who you can live with that is the right one, it's who you can't live without." When I met Joel and told you about him - I am pretty sure you knew he was the one I couldn't live without before I did!

Then, you taught me how to grieve well. Not something most people note about their parents but then again, not everyone has to watch their parents lose a child like you did. We were all so broken when Sherri went to Heaven but you didn't let it overtake you, you didn't lose yourself in the grief, you ran to the arms of the One who made us and created us. You showed me how to pick up and move on but to also cherish the memories of those gone before. This lesson, this one is coming back to me even now as I grieve the thought of losing you but Mom, I am going to choose with all my being to grieve well! Yes - I will grieve, I have already cried more tears that I ever thought possible and I know more are coming - but I am going to fall into the arms of the One who made me and loves me and I am going to choose to pick up, go on, cherish your memory and show my children how to grieve well.

You taught me how to be a mom. You showed me that it wasn't about getting it all right and being perfect but it was about loving my children and pointing them to Jesus. You shared with me that those mornings I saw you praying - you were praying for me. You showed me how money wasn't what would make a difference for my kids; it was being present with them and living life with them. I am not sure that I am half the mom you are but Mom, you taught me well how to be a mom! Thank you!

Next, you taught me how to love women and invest and pour time into them. It was your example of mentoring and teaching younger women about Christ, that spurred me on to find my own passion of loving and mentoring women. You showed me through your example how to serve sacrificially both in the church body and in the community. To see the needs of others and to meet them when I could. Your example of serving others has carried over in so many many ways. All the church meals, buying clothes or food for those in need, taking women to shelters when they needed safety, mission trips and more - it stuck with me. I realized that this was what it meant to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Then, you have taught me how to be the very very best Mimi! My kids have had the best in you! You have loved them, played with them, taught them and just embraced them each exactly for who they are! You tried to pass your love of baking and cooking to me but when it didn't stick you found my Kestra and she has learned so much about baking from you; she is just like you and loves to be in the kitchen! Hannah has learned from you a sweet and calm spirit. She knows when to speak and when to remain quiet. Malachi has your fun loving teasing side! I still smile and the time he called you and your sisters "the three elderly sisters" and you all showed him by tying him up! And my Tyler - from the time he was born you showed him an unconditional love. When others just shrugged and stood aside, you took the time to get to know him for who he is and where he is at! Even tonight, without knowing the scope of the situation, he said "Mimi sure loves me". So see - you taught me and showed me the kind of Mimi I want to be someday! Most of all - my kids all know you love Jesus!!!

Finally, you have showed me how to end well. Since this tumor was first diagnosed you have continued in your steadfast faith. You haven't wavered from that. You have faced this like everything - with Jesus at the front. When I last talked to you on the phone, you were calm and cheerful and just said "keep those prayers coming". There is no doubt that when I see you in a few hours, I will see Jesus in you...This is how I want to be at the end of my days. Someone who loved Jesus through every part of their life. Someone who knew how to praise Him even when the tough waters came and the storm blew hard. Someone so in love with their Savior and so confident in where they are going that there is peace like a river!

So, Mom - I said I was coming and having to figure out how to say Goodbye. Truth is, I can't say Goodbye and well you didn't teach us to say Goodbye - you taught us that when Christ is in us it is always "See Ya Later" Today and in the days to come - I am just coming to tell you I love you and that I will See Ya Later!

Here I am, Lord

This blog is all about being open and being real as I do this journey called life...
With that end in mind, I am being open and honest when I say that it has been awhile since I have been hit over the head with a truth that stopped me in my tracks and made me think....just sayin!

This morning, I went to a new Sunday School class. Not only new for me - new as in this was the first Sunday for this class to meet EVER. Even though I have been in this church for almost 3 years, and know most of the members at least by name...I was nervous. When it comes to Bible Study and Sunday School I like the familiar, the known, the expected...Today wasn't any of those and yet it was a good thing!

We are using the Gospel Project for adults as our curriculum. I wasn't exactly thrilled. I mean hello we have used the Gospel Project for kids for like the last 5 years with children's ministry in various ways...how different could it be? Um...wrong!!!

Our class began in Exodus 2 with Moses and the burning bush. I have heard this story countless of times and perhaps you had too, however today a few things stuck out to me for the first time! Our teacher asked us what we thought Moses had been doing for 40 years while being a Shepherd. What was his mindset? What did he do and think about while in the fields all those years?
Immediately it occurred to me that he had to have talked with God for some of that time...I mean he knew and loved God. So he had a relationship with God of course he talked with him.

Now to the part that hit me....fast forward to Exodus 3:4. Moses has seen the burning bush, he approaches it and God speaks to him from the bush. What was Moses' IMMEDIATE response?

"HERE I AM"

That's what he says....He doesn't question who it is, he doesn't hesitate, he says right away "Here I am". He knew it was God. He was ready to hear from God. He was willing to respond. Now, don't jump ahead to later - we know he questions God - just stay here for a bit....

Am I so close to God that when He speaks to me in the most unexpected way that I would STILL recognize His voice? Am I ready and willing to say "HERE I AM"? When God calls and sends will I know without a doubt that it is HIM who is speaking?

This is where I want to be...this is where I have been missing it....and this is where I am working to be. I want to KNOW my Savior so intimately, so well, so fully that no matter where, when or through whatever means...I will recognize it is Him and respond with....

A New Year... A New Word....A New Purpose

Happy New Year! Happy 2016...wow, it seems just weird typing that! As I look back on 2015, I am amazed at God's plan and how we saw Him move and work throughout our lives and the lives of others.

Several years back, a Sunday School teacher of mine encouraged us to all pray and ask God for a word to define the upcoming new year. I have loved that little tradition and have had such words as flexible, purposeful, hospitality, etc. A few weeks ago, I was reminded of this and began to pray about what my word would be for 2016....

Before I go into that and share this year's word with you, I want to be open and let you know where I have been the past year spiritually. And let me tell you...it has not been pretty. Although we saw so many great and wonderful things in our lives this past year - spiritually speaking it was a difficult year for me. I struggled with my prayer life, I struggled with my quiet time, I struggled with feeling and experiencing God speaking to me. It was rough. I longed for a friend to come along and encourage me or inspire me...but soon realized that was NOT what I needed. What I needed, was to crawl up into the arms of my Saviour and let HIM speak to me, encourage me, fill me, inspire me and love on me right where I was. The past few weeks - I have done just that, I still have a long way to go and lots of time to spend with Him but He IS working on me, He IS loving me and I am excited to grow closer to Him in the coming year!

Alright - so back to THIS year and the word that He has placed on my heart. Not long ago I was watching Jennifer Rothchild on Periscope (If you haven't heard her or read her stuff DO IT! She's awesome) anyway, this particular time she and her husband were at a Dunkin Donuts and talking about this exact thing...a word for the new year. She asked us to comment what our word for the new year was and before I could think twice about it - this year's word was typed and posted and I am ecstatic about it.....

MISSIONAL

This is my word for 2016! I want to live a MISSIONAL life. For this coming year I want all I to do to reflect an attitude of missions for the Kingdom purpose. Joel and I have taught children and youth countless times that we are ALL missionaries no matter where we live, what our job is or what church we attend. However, even with teaching that, I haven't really focused on LIVING a missional life. Recently Joel was sharing with me a blog post that he had read where this writer would purposely go to the grocery store at the same time, to the same register and have the same clerk for the purpose of developing a relationship with them to open the door to sharing the Gospel. The same was true with a waitress at a restaurant - he would go to the same restaurant, same time each week, and ask for the same waitress for the purpose of opening the door to share the Gospel.
I witnessed something similar yesterday as Joel and I had the opportunity to meet a wonderful friend and mentor for a two-hour lunch. He knew the staff, had developed a relationship with them, and was able to minister to them in a personal way. I was amazed and inspired!

As I sat through lunch yesterday, God re-affirmed that MISSIONAL was my word for 2016! I need to work hard on having more than just a surface level relationship with people. To take the time, get to know them and their families. To reach out to them and be bold in proclaiming the Gospel message. I sincerely believe that throughout this coming year, God is going to grow and stretch me in this area of being missional. I am excited and yet also nervous to see what opportunities are tossed my way this coming year. I know that in living out this intentional missional life my family will be stretched probably more than we have in many,many years. We will be called to step out of what is comfortable and to be willing to act in faith.

What is God showing YOU for the coming year? What word would He have you focus on? If you were to live a MISSIONAL LIFE what would it look like? I would love to hear your thoughts and insights!

Happy 2016 friends and family!!!

Merry Christmas Happy New Year Post~

It is hard to believe that Christmas is just 2 days away! Even harder still...another year has almost past.

We do not do Christmas Cards, I always WANT to do a cute little Christmas Card with our family picture on it and a fun trendy saying...it just never seems to come to fruition and honestly, I am learning that I am ok with that. However - I thought that perhaps I would make an end of the year blog post to let you glimpse into our family through my eyes...

2015 has been a year of many changes for our family and yet many things haven't changed. The biggest part of 2015 centered around our sweet Hannah graduating from High School! Seriously - how did that happen? I blinked and she was out the door to college. She has now finished her first semester at Dallas Baptist University. It was an adjustment for us and for her - she had her ups and her downs but through it all she has come out loving the Lord and knowing Him better - that is the best measure of success!

Joel and I also celebrated our 20th Anniversary this year. I cannot even fathom how blessed I feel to walk this life alongside him. We had grand plans of a fun getaway trip for just the two of us but it didn't happen - and although it was disappointing we know that it was all part of God's plan and we are looking forward to going to a week long retreat in April for minister's and their wives which is something that we have always wanted to do.

Another new and different change for us this year was walking alongside our own parents through various medical conditions and surgeries. In March, Joel's Dad had surgery for colon cancer and although there were some setbacks and unexpected situations - we are SUPER thankful that he is cancer FREE!!! He also had another surgery here in Lubbock this summer on his caryatid artery - thankfully he is doing much better and hopefully on the uphill swing! My mom also had surgery this summer for a hole in her intestine. Again, some unexpected setbacks and challenges but she too is recovering and we are so thankful for that. There is not a moment that we take forgranted how blessed we are to have parents with minimal health issues and although we know that may not always be the case - we know that God is there through it all. We are very thankful that Joel was able to go to Colorado for a week to be with his mom during his dad's recovery and I was able to go and be with my Dad during my mom's surgery and both of us were able to be here for his Dad's surgery in Lubbock.

Our younger three kids have AMAZED us through this year of challenges and change! They have literally taken it all in stride and have been very understanding. Malachi is half way through his Junior year of High School. He has started a new job and is overall doing well. He also joined choir this year for the first time and loves it - the music gene has continued! He is beginning to pray and seek the Lord about where he is headed after high school and we are anxious to see how God will work through him in the days ahead.

Kestra is a sophomore. She is still loves softball and choir. We are super excited that she made the JV team for softball and are looking forward to many softball road trips in the spring! She is also trying UIL solo this year in choir and has already had her big sister Hannah helping her with her music. She also has her first boyfriend and we are very pleased with how both she and he have gone about it all. He is a wonderful young man who is very respectful of her and us! She looked into getting a job but has found that she is making great money babysitting and loves it - so she has a pretty good clientele going for her.

Tyler is still homeschooling. He has made so much progress in reading and we are thankful for the flexibility in his schedule. He has found that he enjoys cooking in the kitchen and of course still loves being outside and animals!

A first and a highlight for me this year was being able to go on a Girls' trip with my Sister-In-Law Jana to Washington DC in October! She earned a trip through Plexus and invited me to join her - it was a fun and memorable time and I am so blessed to have had the time with her!

Ministry wise we are still serving at First Baptist Levelland and it has been a good year. We have enjoyed seeing children come to know the Lord, be baptized and parents committing to train them up in the Lord. I am loving my job as Director of the Parent's Day Out program and work with some outstanding ladies and families. For the first time ever, we have a waiting list and are 100% full - this has been a fun time!!!

We have also been working our home based businesses - Plexus and Thirty-One. We are so very thankful for companies that keep their focus on the Lord and His provision as well as being committed to building relationships and helping people not only financially but physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am looking to promote to Director with Thirty-One in the coming year and Joel is working to promote in Plexus as well. God has been faithful to provide through these avenues.

As we look ahead to 2016 we know that God has so much more in store for our family and although we may not know exactly what that looks like or entails we are excited to be a part of His plans. Our prayer is that you will seek to join God in His work wherever you may be! Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Some "Me" Time

This morning, I am taking some much needed "me" time. Time to really pray and reflect and set some goals in pretty much every area of my life for the upcoming year - although, I don't plan on waiting until January to begin the work!

In 17 days I will be 41 - yep as Tyler put it a few weeks ago "OVER 40"! As I look back on my life there are many moments that I am proud of and happy to have accomplished. There are also moments that I am not so proud of, mistakes made, and tasks left undone. I think if we are all truly honest - that's the case for most of us. Recently, I read a quote that went like this "Don't focus on the past, it's behind you. Don't focus on the future, it's not here yet. Just be in the Present." Although I agree with the premise of the idea that our FOCUS doesn't necessarily need to be in the past or future - I disagree that we don't need to look there at all. We have to learn from the past - both our successes and our failures. We have to look to the future and seek where God is leading us. Yet, yes we do need to be in the present. So..that's what this morning has been about - reviewing the past, praying towards the future and just setting some goals!

For some time now, I have felt that 2016 is going to be BIG. I believe that it is going to be big for not only my family and I but I believe that God has BIG plans for America. Yep...I said it! God has a plan for our country. Of course it is an election year and that is always a big year in America but that isn't what I am referring to. I am referring to spiritually! I believe that 2016 is the year where we as believers are going to be called upon to stand firm, stand strong and LOVE BIG! Just a thought - but I regress, this post isn't about that as much as it is sharing what God has laid out for me PERSONALLY so that you all can be praying for and encouraging me in that!

So, I have basically lined out 6 areas (so far) that I believe God is calling me to work on in the next year. Of course, I am married and so a few of these goals are joint with Joel ( hope he agrees to them - LOL) but most are just personal. I then, set goals within those areas...Here they are:

Spiritual Goals:
1.) To have a consistent and in-depth quiet time. Yes, this is a REAL struggle for me. I am good with reading a Daily Devotional and prayer time...but I want an IN-DEPTH like searching the Scripture to get to know my Lord kind of quiet time. I am not a morning person by nature but I am convicted that I need to be getting up and digging in God's Word each and every morning!

2.) Read 4 books in the upcoming year that will challenge and spur me on in my faith! I am open for some suggestions here. I love to read but must confess - I am a fiction kind of girl! I need some thought provoking get off your hiney kind of books! LOL

3.) Mentor/Disciple 3 people. In the past, I have LOVED mentoring women and teen girls one on one! It has been life giving and has challenged my faith walk like CRAZY! However, recently this hasn't been the case. I have gotten lost in my self and too focused on me that I have lost sight of the call that we have to "Go and make disciples"

Physical Goals:
1.) Consistent exercise 4 times per week. Tuesdays and Thursdays with my preschoolers is great BUT it isn't real intentional exercise and that is definitely what I need.

2.) Consistent use of Plexus products that I KNOW work but yeah, you gotta actually USE them to have them work!

3.) Limit soft drinks to 3 per week. I am a realist - I believe that we should all have some freedom to indulge! LOL

4.) Lose 30 lbs - I am convinced if the prior 3 happen, this will be a no brainer!

Financial Goals:
This area will be more defined as I have opportunity to really sit with Joel BUT I know he will agree with these basics

1.) Set aside our "Emergency Fund" according to Financial Peace.

2.) Pay off at least 30% of our debt

3.) Purchase a second vehicle

Thirty-One Business:
1.) Enroll 3 new consultants under me. I want other women to experience the joy and freedom that comes from Thirty-One not just financially but just the sisterhood of women who encourage, reward and celebrate one another.

2.) Promote to Director - so that I can reach even more women and encourage them!

3.) Consistently sell an average of $1000 per month

Plexus Business:
This one will also be more defined after sitting with Joel since it is our joint business but I think he would agree with these starting points

1.) Enroll at least 3 new ambassadors under us so that we can help them reach financial and physical goals.

2.) Earn an extra $300 to $500 per month.

Personal/Career Goals:

1.) Begin taking Child Development Courses to become eligible to be a Child Care Administrator of a licensed child care facility. I have no idea on the timing, but God has really given me a passion and desire to pursue this. I am about 27 college hours from it but believe that this will be accomplished within the next year.

2.) Be more organized in my home. Currently it isn't near as organized as I need it to be!


So, there you have it! My GOAL list for 2016. I believe that goals are great - they give us direction, purpose and vision. So, share with me - what are YOUR goals? How can I pray for, encourage and help you reach them?