What's on my mind and heart

I decided that I needed to get some things off my mind and so for lack of a better place to write - I am choosing to use my blog.

Tonight I am honestly in a "blah" mood! I am not exactly sure why although there are many things contributing to it but really not sure the root of it all.

First off - I feel as though some of my friendships here are changing in their dynamic and although change isn't always a bad thing, it isn't always a good thing either. I guess if I am really open and honest, I could tell you that having deep, intimate friendships has always been important to me but also hard. As a young child, I didn't really fit in and many would make fun of me. Then in HS things got a bit better but they were still rough. Fortunately, the Lord blessed me with 4 amazing friends throughout HS and so that was great.
In college - my Phi Chi sisters were the best as well as my VERY best friend to this day "Paney". Yet, life got a bit more complicated when we went into ministry full-time. I have discovered that it is hard for me to be open with those in the church (not that I shouldn't be) and in turn for whatever reason, it is hard for them to really connect on an intimate level with me. However- the Lord has always given me someone to relate to and be friends with - usually a minister's wife from another church or someone that went to another church.
Okay - all that rambling brings me to here. Please don't misunderstand - First Baptist Bayfield has been the MOST amazing church we have been in while being on staff. They are so wonderful, encouraging and just great. However - there are times when I just wish I had someone to go to lunch with and laugh with and honestly be real with. I thought I had this but for some reason - it has changed. Perhaps it is because life takes us in different directions, or because even though Joel and I are "young" in age - we are older in that we have kids much older than many our age which makes it hard for them to relate to what we are going through in life. Either way - things are just different and I am really missing having a close friend that I can just be open and honest with - that understands my crazy personality, etc.... Anyway - sure this will pass but tonight it is what's on my mind and heart

The second thing that is really bothering me tonight is how judgemental some people can be against those of us that God has told to have our kids in Public Schools!!! Seriously - why do we have to argue among ourselves as Christians about how we educate our kids. I am fully supportive of those who homeschool but it is not the direction the Lord has led me and so why do people feel the need to preach at or try to convince to change? I am really burdened by this whole thing and how hurtful Christians are toward one another over it. We are not all teachers - seriously God didn't include teaching in the fruits of the spirit! He listed it as a gift that SOME have!!! So - tonight I am just praying about how to go about encouraging and reaching out to Moms who have their kids in Public Schools. I feel very strongly that this is needed. Homeschool parents have MANY support networks and groups but honestly not much is out there for those that Public School.

Finally - I am really wishing the Lord would provide a bigger house for us. Our current home is great but our kids are getting bigger and honestly these walls are getting smaller. Having only one bathroom with a family of 6 is HARD!!! Not only that - with only 1200 sq ft there is barely room for us much less any company. So I keep praying and hoping but don't see it happening yet.

Okay - so there you have it - my overall "blah" night. Thanks for letting me ramble....and like Scarlet O'Hara said "Afterall, tomorrow is another day"!