Well, I am officially less than 24 hours away from leaving for my trip to Zimbabwe. I have been thinking all day about what to blog and how I feel. Honestly, there are so many different emotions running through me right now.
I am so excited simply because I KNOW that the Lord has brought me to this point and has led me to go on this trip. His hand has been in it from day one and even up to the past two days! Joel and I have been really tight on money lately and although we had my money for the trip set aside, it was tough because so many other things needed to be paid, kids need shoes, groceries need bought etc. Thursday, my Dad was paid for an appraisal and I got my commission (totally unexpected!), then Thursday night I was given $180 for my spending money on the trip from a donor, and then yesterday Joel received some of his excess student loan money on his account! All of our needs were paid for AND I had money for the trip! God is so good....
Eagerly, I await what the Lord has in store for me in Zim. I can't wait to see how He will mold me and use me throughout this trip. I read an article that talked about missions and how we often think of ourselves as "bringing God to a place" when in reality God is already there, we just need to look for how we can join Him! This is where my heart is about this trip - I don't have an agenda or a plan but eagerly await to see what the Lord is doing in Zimbabwe Africa and how He would have me join in!
Yet, I would be lying if there I said there isn't a part of me that is nervous, anxious and scared. I have never left my kids longer than a week and I have never left Joel longer than 5 days. I have been on the verge of tears all night just thinking about not being here to take them to school or to go to Hannah's volleyball games or to help them with homework or all the other little things in their daily lives. I am nervous about allowing my emotions of missing them to interfere with what God has for me to do in Zim. However - I know that HE IS ABLE and He will care for them and me while we are apart and that in reality, 2 weeks is not that long.
Tonight was a hard. My parents and in-laws came over for dinner, prayer time and goodbyes. I love both my parents and my in-laws deeply and do not take forgranted the fact that I live close to both. Yet, the hardest part of tonight was hearing my Dad pray and knowing that in his heart of hearts he is a Daddy still and I, his baby, am going clear across the world. As long as I can remember, my Dad's prayers have stirred me to tears. He is so open and honest with the Lord. In his prayers, you can feel the closeness and oneness he has with his Father. Dad has gone through so much - loss of both parents, loss of a daughter, financial issues, deaths of close friends, etc and yet he is a pillar of faith! My heart's desire is to be like my Dad is with Jesus - so close that others can just know the powerful relationship you have with Jesus through a simple prayer! Tonight, in his prayer I know he was laying it down at the feet of his Father - his excitement, his joy, his concern.
Basically, all this to say, the emotions are blended tonight but my heart is so full of joy and anticipation!
When I return, my plan is to blog what I write in my journal so that I can share with others each and every experience that I have. I truly long to be open and honest about my life so others may be encouraged.
That's all for tonight, I may try to blog from Atlanta if there is a computer at the airport but we will see. If not, I will for sure blog when I return!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment