This past weekend was tough! I mean really really tough - to a point that I haven't faced in the whole three and half years we have been in Bayfield. It wasn't really anything major in a way but rather several different situations in which I was reluctant to let go and relinquish them to the hands of the Lord.
I ran the whole gamet of emotions - anger, frusteration, hurt, sadness etc. Let me clarify - that there was not anything that anyone had done but rather a war raging inside me about my insecurity, fear, and insuffieciency. By Sunday morning, I was literally in an inner turmoil and was restless about what to do with it.
I wasn't wrestling with God but more restless with God! Yet, our God is so faithful and true. During worship Sunday morning - my heart began to break and yield to the Father and clarity began to enter! God began to speak and show me that I HAD to lay a specific issue at His feet or I would go back to a place of depression and despair that I didn't want to go back to.
The final song of the service was "I surrender all" - as I sang the words "I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Jesus I surrender." I could envision myself laying this enormous burden at the feet of the cross and LEAVING THEM THERE!
I can't describe the immense feeling of release that came over me as I let go of this thing I had been carrying for so long! Suddenly, all the other issues and problems were also so minor and no longer too overbearing. My heart was resolved to let my Savior carry the load!
Besides the obvious lesson of letting go and letting God, I also learned how holding on to just ONE thing - can literally tear apart every other aspect of our lives. It is amazing how quickly the enemy can grab ahold in one area and creap in and overtake us!
I am so thankful for all that Christ brought me through this past weekend - I am stronger and more in love with Him than ever. I have the joy and freedom restored that only He can bring!!!
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