So...what happens AFTER the tragedy, the unexpected, the loss? That's what has been on my mind these past few days. I was visiting with a friend online and she was sharing her grief experience and how you don't ever "move on" but rather you do learn to "move forward"...she said what I felt! I haven't moved "on" in this new journey without my mom but moment by moment Jesus is showing me how to move forward, how to do the next thing, and to live in the moments that He has given me.
For those who are on the outskirts of a tragedy, those who are watching the ones that have been affected - life goes forward rather quickly. For instance, say you hear on the news about a typhoon that hits somewhere in Asia - our hearts are sad, we pray a prayer, maybe we send money to help but then we are back to our normal everyday life. We go forward with life. Yet, for that family who was barely putting food on the table and whose home is now destroyed...there's a long period of just standstill...wondering what's next? What are we to do? Where do we go?
I believe it is the same in the lives of those who have lost someone they love...or rather, at least it has been for me. I watch as people move forward and go about their daily life and yet...I feel as though my feet are just barely inching forward. Well meaning people say "I'm sorry for your loss" or "So sad to hear about your mom" and then move forward to their next thing...meanwhile I am like "Yes, but now what?" "Where do I go from here?"
Here's the answer that I have found...I move forward each moment through the grace of Jesus. If it's an inch, it's an inch. If I can manage a foot forward...wahoo but it is ALL through Him! I am not "over it" and I most certainly am not moving on as though it never happened but each day, I do see that I have managed to move forward a little more each day and you know - that's where I need to be! Moving forward in our heartache and grief is important. God knows our hurt and brokenness but He hasn't left us there...He wants us to be held by Him, to grasp His outstretched hand and let Him help us take that very next step!
Another thing that I have learned the past few weeks is this...so many times I have read posts and blogs about what to say and what not to say when someone is grieving. Here's my conclusion from the one who IS grieving...it isn't so much what you do say, it's that you care enough to say SOMETHING! The thing that has hurt the most these past few weeks are those who haven't said a thing, that haven't acknowledged that it happened - not those who said maybe the wrong thing with the right intentions. I can deal with that. It's not saying anything at all that gets me...believe me, you aren't going to "remind me" that my mom is gone from earth...I am aware of that. Just let those who are grieving know you care by saying something. My Dad's friend did it best when he called him a few days after the memorial service and said "I really don't know what I am supposed to say, I just know I needed to call you." BEAUTIFUL!!! Please don't feel like I am pointing a finger at you if you haven't said anything...because I have 4 fingers pointing right back at me! I have been the one who just didn't say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing...now I know how that feels and that it hurts.
I also think that when we aren't the one faced with the unexpected, when we are the ones on the sidelines - we may need to pause in our movement, stop and reach out to those who are hurting and remember that their life has just been hit hard. That they are struggling to take that next breath and make that next step. So, if you see someone struggling, remember that their world was just thrown one heck of a curve ball and they may need you to pull them through for a time!
So...where I am I headed after this hit? I am headed on a new and exciting journey in the footsteps of my Savior. There's some pretty amazing things ahead on this trail - I have had some sneak previews as we make a turn or curve and I am anticipating that it will be WONDERFUL...but in the meantime, I am crossing the muddy waters and my feet are just moving a tad slower for a time, however I won't be staying there...pretty soon, I know we will hit some dry land and pick up the pace!
2 comments:
Ronnie, I was about your age when we lost my dad to cancer. We could not begin to conceive how we could move forward without him! He was SUCH an integral part of our lives! I guess what I found was that we didn't move forward without him! Because he was in the very foundation of our lives he was stil with us in every thought, in every turn in the road! Now, 20+years later (you can't even imagine 20 years!) he is still our incredible dad! The stories have grown a little sweeter, been stretched a little funnier....but he is such a dear part of each of us and always will be! And we know that he has gone on first, but we will follow, and he will be waiting to greet us when we get there. NO question that we WILL see him again...and he will be great friends with, and introduce us to some of his new friends/family....like King David, and Deborah, and Moses, and Paul! And because of his teaching in our lives, we will see Jesus!!! I can see his grin as he watches that reunion! I bet he was there in your mom's welcoming party! Sending hugs....your world has been shaken, but I bet heaven has never been more real!
Thank you! Yes 20 years does seem a long time but then it has been 22 years in November since our sweet Sherri went to Heaven and it has been GREAT to see how God has used that to open so many doors to love on and reach people. We still miss her but we have also seen that life can move forward! Yes, those who have gone before are etched forever in the blueprints of our lives and that's a GREAT thing!!!
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