I have a lot of fun memories of growing up - family trips to see Grandparents, camping trips, 4-H fairs, games and more, however, that isn't all I remember from growing up. Many people would say I had the perfect family - and well, I did have it pretty darn good! Two amazing sisters, a mom and dad who loved each other and us well but....perfect it was not.
Not to share "dirty laundry" but to share reality - I struggled with my middle sister - she was the middle, I was the youngest and to say we clashed - that was an understatement. We fought A LOT and about EVERYTHING!!! I am not even kidding you...stupid stuff, big fights. In fact, I remember my Dad even went to meet with our pastor because seriously, he thought we hated each other. We didn't. We just didn't fully appreciate one another until later on in life - when she was out of the house and many miles separated us! Ha ha ha. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder - it's true! It seriously worked for me! When my sister went to college - I missed her LIKE CRAZY! The very same one who drove me NUTS, who rubbed me the wrong way, who was ALWAYS bossy, yep I missed her! I missed hanging with her. I missed her sticking up for me. I just missed her! Yet - we weren't perfect - like I said and am sad to admit - we fought more than not. However, we did love each other and we did learn to forgive each other.
The reason I share this - in today's day and age of social media, we see a lot of cute, adorable, fun family pictures (much like the one above). We think - wow, that family, they have it all together and maybe in some sense they do - but no family is perfect, no family is without conflict, no family is without strife, and regrets.
Let me tell you about this picture above....to be honest, I kind of wish we hadn't taken it. Not because I don't LOVE my family...I do! However, appearances say wow - look at them! They went to the movie, everyone was happy and loved it. We DID go to the movie, we DID enjoy it but then....the "after" the movie happened. I am not going to share all the details - suffice it to say, over a very STUPID thing - three of us blew up. I say us - cause YEP I was a chief offender. Reality is - I can have a short fuse, especially when I have my mind made up how something is going to go (like a fun family night out) and it doesn't end up just the way I had it planned. This blow up maybe in terms of other times wasn't as big but it did involve yelling (me), slapping doors (me), losing cool (me)...don't get me wrong, there were other players as those who witnessed it can tell you but hey, I can only share about me and I can only change me....
Thankfully - what I just shared was NOT the end of our evening...although it was a chunk of it. Tempers settled, forgiveness was granted, laughter was the end of the evening and restoration was made. I say all this to say...no family is without their flaws, we all have a bit of ugly and not pleasant. My family - we are still navigating through a bunch of that....finding how having adult children in the home works, adjusting to a mom who is not only working full-time but also going back to school and it exhausted, navigating this journey of church planting, and having a special needs teen in the house with major emotions and hormones... However - we DO have this going for us - we are grounded in the Word, we know how to forgive, we know how to restore the relationship, and most of all - this mom, she is learning that every day I have to tell my kids "I'm sorry" and guess what? We are even working on NOT saying "It's okay" because it is NOT okay, it may be reality but it is not okay - instead we are working on saying "I forgive you and I know you are human".
Colossians 3:12-13 tells us " Therefore God's chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also forgive one another."
I don't always put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience or acceptance...I am pretty sure God knew we wouldn't so he made sure to include FORGIVENESS. So - my family, we aren't perfect, we have some ugly, but we do do forgiveness and for that - I am thankful!
The reason I share this is not to pat myself on the back, believe me I am in NO WAY proud of how I acted last night or a gazillion other times I have lost it with my family. I share it because sometimes, I think we need to see other families as REAL and understand that we aren't the only ones with baggage and ugliness and conflict....or as a sweet friend of mine always said "we all have our own kind of crazy". It's true. My Dad was constantly telling us girls growing up - "It isn't how you act but how you react". I acted in crazy last night - but at the end, my reaction was "I'm sorry, I forgive you, and I love you"....My encouragement to you is this - be a family that knows how to forgive, how to say I am sorry, and give yourself the gift of starting new....work out those things - compassion, kindness, humility, acceptance, gentleness, patience, acceptance...and forgive others and yourself...
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