Marriage takes 3!

This is a little different post in that it isn't necessarily specific to our family but at the same time it is ESSENTIAL for our family! Are you confused yet? No worries - I will explain!

Recently, the theme of marriages both good and bad has come up quite a bit. I have had several people celebrating anniversaries - my parents and my aunt and uncle to name two - and I have had some friends working on their marriages either through counseling or using books such as "The Love Dare" because they are hurting. I have spoken just in general with some friends about what it takes to have not necessarily a "happy" marriage but a strong and successful marriage. Joel and I have even talked about the good and hard times in our marriage...So - with all this going on I thought - hmmm why not blog some thoughts on the subject!

Before going farther - this is my disclaimer that this post is HONESTLY not meant for any one person in particular, so if it offends you, steps on your toes, or you think I have totally lost it (well that's a known fact) then well just know that it wasn't toward you personally! Ha ha! That being said - here goes....

Let's start with the successful and strong marriages that I have observed and the keys behind those marriages being successful.... In every case, I have seen that the marriages that are STRONG, SUCCESSFUL and HEALTHY are marriages that have ONE key person at the center: CHRIST! Notice I didn't say marriages that stay together because I know there are marriages that survive but I don't see them as healthy and strong.

Ecclessiastes 4:12 says, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves; A cord of three strands is not easily broken." Now, I am not a theologian and don't claim to have researched all the ins and outs of this verse but as it applies to marriage - I have seen it to be KEY! In every case where Christ is at the center of each individual in a marriage's life and Christ is in the center of the marriage - there is unbreakable strength. The way it was explained to Joel and I in our pre-marital counseling was a beautiful picture of a triangle - as each person strives to grow closer to Christ; they grow closer to each other.

Okay - so does having Christ at the center make everything "happily ever after"? NO - it provides a firm foundation though that can't crumble.

Here are some other traits I have noted in these strong marriages:

1.) MARRIAGE is their #1 priority! It comes BEFORE KIDS!! BEFORE WORK!!! BEFORE FRIENDS!!! BEFORE CHURCH!!! BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT FOR CHRIST! Yes - you read that right - my marriage, my relationship with Joel is and MUST be second only to my relationship with Christ! If I put ANYTHING before that then I have allowed a serious threat to enter in.

2.) Communication - happens in a loving tone and with THE OTHER PERSON'S best interest at heart! "esteem each other as better than yourself" Phil. 2:3. You must always place them above yourself!

3.) Never speaking ill of one's spouse - when speaking about their spouse, I have never heard any of these people speak down or degrade their spouse. It is always loving and uplifting...

These are the top 3 but I know there are others.

Now let's look at some of the things that I have seen in marriages that are struggling, or floundering:

a.) It is all about ME attitude...in almost every case I have heard "I wish..." or "If only they would think abot ME...." or "Why do I always have to do..." - a marriage isn't about YOU, it's about them.

b.) Kids are the priority - please don't get me wrong, being a Mom is SUCH a joy and responsibility but it is NOT your primary role if you are married and your hubby has to know that he comes first! He shouldn't get the "left-overs" of your day but the BEST of your day! I have always looked at it this way - one day I will wake up and all my kids will be gone and out of the house, on that day I DO NOT want to look at Joel and realize I have nothing in common any more...so many marriages of 20 + years are falling apart due to this. I want to wake up and go - WOW I have lots of life to live with this man!!!

c.) Time - they just haven't spent time investing in their marriage. It isn't something that is a side-thought or an "if I get to it" - it is a sacrifice and investment.

Okay - so this is where I will stop for now as I know that I have posted on some of this before.

As Joel and I are approaching the 16 year mark in our marriage and we are looking at so many of our friends and family facing hard times in their marriages or even worse marriages ending in divorce - we are burdened more and more to take an active stand in protecting and promoting the SANCTITY of marriage! It can be a bumpy road at times but it is also an exciting and rewarding one if it is approached as a MARRIAGE OF THREE!!! Love to you all and please know that NO MATTER WHERE you may be in your marriage, or if you have gotten divorced, etc we are here for you to encourage and come alongside - not to judge or condemn! We love you all so much!