With four teens in the house, there is always something going on in their lives. Of course there are activities and sports but that isn't really what I am referring to. I am referring to struggles, challenges, obstacles they are faced with. Shortly before leaving on this retreat I realized that my oldest three were all dealing with some pretty big stuff - now, not to leave my Tyler out, but his is a separate issue because he of his special needs. Anyway, these were things that as mom everything in you says "You gotta fix it for them, you have to come up with the solutions, the way out". Some of the things - yes I had solutions and answers for....God had a different plan.
The first night we were gone, we stayed in a hotel in Oklahoma City just for an added day away. Over dinner that night, I began sharing with Joel all that I saw the kids dealing with, how it was stressing me out, the concerns I had, the solutions I had, etc. Meanwhile, he just listened and perhaps looked at me with the deer in the headlights look that said "You have ALL of that whirling through your mind and we are on this get away for US???" Yep...I know, I am a mom and my kids are almost always on my mind...oops!
Fast forward to arrival at the retreat the next day and of course, I am STILL stuck on this idea of solving all my kids struggles, challenges and problems. In fact, every morning I would just sit there and tell God what I was going to say to this kid or that kid about their particular problem...did you see that? I tried to "TELL" God...
Then, it happened one of the last days we were there - we were given an opportunity to just talk openly with our spouse about some issues that needed to be addressed about us as individuals, as a couple, etc. Leading up to this time, I had lamented to the other moms/wives there about my specific situations with my kids and they all seemed to give me the same advice from their situations - they had to give it over to the Lord in prayer. Well, duh of course!!! Hadn't I DONE that? I TOLD the Lord...
Without going to deep or specific about what Joel and I shared - I can confidently say this...I was convicted that I needed to let go and have LESS control of my kids and Joel was convicted that he needed to have MORE of an active role in talking to our kids about their situations. Added to this - Joel was on to something that in reality God's still small voice had been showing me for some time...It is OKAY to let your kids fail. In fact we have to let them fail. SAY WHAT??? This goes against every urge in this mom mind, against what the world says to do for your kids, etc but it was a truth that God was speaking all along to me...I was just too busy TELLING Him what I was going to do.
It was then and there that it hit me...letting my kids fail takes COURAGE! Yes, I needed to have enough COURAGE to ALLOW MY KIDS TO FAIL. Enough courage to allow them to stubble, fall, and find their way back up through Jesus and Him alone!!! I can't, nor should I try, to be their savior, their crutch, their "go to". Moms - hear me when I say this - it is NOT easy, not one bit easy! In fact, I am still working on this and taking this step of courage is HARD but it is so so worth the end reward which is children who are young adults that are SOLID in their walk with the Lord and have learned through their own failures, struggles, and challenges to stand on Christ the Solid Rock! Ultimately, I want my children to be adults who change the world for the Kingdom and Glory of God and I KNOW that from my own experiences, my own failures, my own struggles that this will only happen when I have no where else to look but up to my Savior Jesus Christ.
I like the way the Message puts Proverbs 22:6 - Point your kids in the right direction, when they are old, they won't be lost.
You see, it doesn't say carry them in the right direction, it doesn't say shove them in the right direction, and it certainly never says that they won't stumble, fall or even get sidetracked...it says point them in the right direction ( to Christ) and when they are old (not right now, in the childhood or teen years) they won't be lost. I have to claim this promise...that IF I have pointed them, got them started, in the right path - it will not be in vain!
I hear you now saying "Yes, but my kids are the most important thing to me" "I just don't want to see them hurt or struggle like I did" "I only want what is best for them".... I hear you because I have said all those and more! Yet...what if the only way they can learn is through falling so that they can fall to Jesus? What if through the struggle, God is going to prepare them and make them strong for an incredible assignment later on in life? What if what is best - is letting them learn from their mistakes? What if what they are going through is used for the purpose of allowing them to reach someone else that may go through the same situation later in life? Why would we take that from them?
Dear Mom - can you, along with me, decide that it is okay to have courage enough to allow our kids to fail, to stumble, or even fall? Can we decide that sometimes the wounds we get in life are there for God's glory to be made known to all the world? Let's lay this burden of solving our kids problems down at the cross. Let's trust the One who created them and called them to be able to sustain them through every challenge, every struggle, every fall.
Hear my heart and know that what your child is facing is BIG and it hurts, and it isn't fun...I have one struggling to find themselves after battling depression, a couple who have struggled in relationships to make right choices, one struggling to pass school, one struggling to know where God is calling them, one that struggles just to know how the world works...and more. Yet - God's repeated, resounding call to me is this...
"Have courage to let them fail. Cast your worry and care for them upon me. Bring it to me and let me, their Creator, Sustainer, Life Giver, pour into their life. Rest at my feet weary Momma. Trust me with these children that I gave to you - I won't fail them, I won't fail you. Just bring them before Me in prayer and let Me do My work in their life for my good...I won't let them get lost."
No comments:
Post a Comment